


he was seeking for more

by chaoticreylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Politics, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Badass Rey, Cannes, Cunnilingus, F/M, First Order Poe Dameron, First Order Politics (Star Wars), First Order are a bunch of mean wardogs, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren is cocky and too hot, Kylo makes Rey a bumbling mess, Light Dom/sub, London, Lust at First Sight, Minor Finn/Rose Tico, My First Smut, Not Beta Read, Porn With Plot, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Kylo Ren, Reader - I fucked him, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey is a bad bitch who don't play no games (usually), Rey makes Kylo human, Soft Ben Solo, Spies & Secret Agents, The First Order Sucks, The Resistance is an underground spy network working to stabilize global politics, This Is STUPID, Vaginal Sex, is it totally realistic? nah fam we too horned up for that, out of context Star Wars quotes abound, they're idiots your honor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:34:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 41,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22778779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticreylo/pseuds/chaoticreylo
Summary: tl;dr: rey is a spy for the resistance, mysterious first order solutions executive kylo ren is her mark for the night, chaos (and nudity) ensuesthis is my first time ever publishing on AO3, long time reader, first time caller y'all so please please please leave your t's and p's and your feedback! it was a 2020 goal of mine to finally start writing for and put something out there for the first time, so mission accomplished!here is nearly 15k of porn with plot, i think i could happily leave it as a one-shot but also have some ideas about turning this into a ficlet if that's something people are interested in. it's very nerve-wracking to post something for the first time, especially something like smut, but this community is just so incredible that i feel oddly very comfortable doing it! please sound off even though i'm not expecting a lot of feedback. i'd literally be jazzed if this thing even got 100 views.
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Kaydel Ko Connix/Poe Dameron, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 67
Kudos: 128





	1. he was seeking for more

**Author's Note:**

> title/lyrics from "Seven" by Men I Trust
> 
> please enjoy nearly 15k of self-indulgent sexy spy/politics au! stick around to hang out with me after x 
> 
> i'm a very visual person so while writing i make little sets of outfits and settings and things so i figured i'd share so y'all could see my v i s i o n or whatever: https://urstyle.fashion/styles/2414073

_In the shadows he saw four eyes, lit by fire_

_Fire_

_He'd never done that with a lover before_

_Before_

_He was seeking for more_

_Either early or too late, it was number seven_

_And it happened_

_High like a bird with his beak through the window_

_He saw them, they saw him_

_But everyone just kept on going_

_What he saw was different_

_He should have gone to bed_

_But instead he stuck around for the mood_

\--- “Seven”, Men I Trust

X X X X X

 _London,_ February 2018

“The guy is an enigma. We’re not going to get many more chances like this one.” 

Rey nudged her glasses back up the bridge of her nose, absent-mindedly twirling her pen with her free hand as she studied the projected images. Enigma was a fitting word for the man, considering they only had two high-quality photos where their informant could positively identify him, accompanied by a slew of grainy CCTV screencaps where you couldn’t distinguish his frame from a small oak tree. 

_Kylo Ren. Early 30’s. Six foot something or other. First Order Solutions executive. Emerged a few years ago seemingly appearing from thin air, so those were really the only details they’d managed to confirm. That was all Rey needed to know though. That he was another fucking slime-ball profiting off of the military-industrial complex. A powerful slime-ball, at that. Piece of cake._

“Rey, are you absolutely clear on what needs to happen tomorrow night?” Holdo’s voice cut through Rey’s train of thought as she re-directed her eyes to the Resistance’s Director of Operations at the front of the dimly lit boardroom. 

“Absolutely crystal,” Rey cooed as she turned began to close her laptop. This is what she lived for, after all. The thrill of being a part of something, _anything_ , that worked towards dismantling this global fucked-up fat cat political aristocracy that was fueled by war-profiteers like the fucks over at First Order Solutions. 

“Glad to hear it. One more time, I cannot stress how badly we need a break here. The man attends two official functions every year, if we miss this opportunity to see what he has, we may never get another shot. Get the information over to Finn and the rest of tech as soon as you can. May the force be with you all,” Holdo nodded as she dismissed the meeting, everyone muttering the mantra back to her as they simultaneously packed up their things, itching to get to work. 

Rey slid the full specs of the operation into her notebook as she stood up, balancing her phone and coffee mug in the other hand as she made her way back out to the bullpen. The office was abuzz with chatter, filled with nervous energy about how they felt _so close_ to getting a leg up, finally. The London outpost of the Resistance, housed beneath an old cathedral in Greenwich, was certainly a fraction of the size of most of their stateside counterparts, but the motley crew certainly made up for it with skill. After all, the London group was somehow trusted handling most of the Resistance’s business in Europe, except for a few agents scattered across the mainland, so they must be doing something right. 

Rey stopped at her desk only to throw back the cold dregs of her coffee and load up her bag, eager to get home and pore over all the information she had just one, or two, or maybe even ten more times before tomorrow. When the stakes were this high, there was no such thing as being too prepared. 

“Alright then, I’m off,” Rey muttered as she tucked her glasses case back into her tote, slinging the whole thing over her shoulder as she turned to her team, giving them a faux curtsy after they began to whoop and wallop. 

“Go get ‘em, scavenger! Little freak won’t even know what’s coming,” Finn Storm, her tech coordinator, hollered from his workbench as he gave Rey a mocking two-finger salute, which Rey responded to with a middle finger and a bright grin. Sure, the stakes were high but they are _never_ too high for Finn to get Rey to laugh. 

“Alright, I’ll do it for you and you alone, Storm. Not like we’re all working towards some common higher purpose here, absolutely nothing else on the line but my commitment to keeping you on-board and employed,” Rey teased, knocking on Rose Tico’s desk as she made her way towards the secured elevator, “Tico, my place, noon tomorrow?”

Rose nodded, beginning to pack up her workstation which was covered with hard-copy print-outs of the venue’s security system, “I’ll bring the binders, you provide the booze.”

“Thatta girl, Connix is due around three,” Rey shot Rose a thumbs up as she boarded the steel elevator, waiting for the doors to begin closing before bellowing “Until then, may the force be with all you bastards!” 

The closing doors gradually silenced the loud and raucous response Rey got until she was finally met with absolute silence as she looked forward at her reflection mirrored in the closed doors. Standing up a bit taller after being slightly appalled at her posture, Rey let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. 

_Nearly showtime._

X X X X X

“Honestly, he’s not totally unfortunate looking,” Kaydel mused from her seat at the small table on Rey’s balcony, “It’s a real shame that the hot ones always end up being the totally insane and evil ones.”

Rey snickered as she took a deep drag of her cigarette, exhaling through her nose a few beats later before replying, “Spend maybe 10 seconds skimming the manifest we have on Snoke and come say that to me again with a straight face.”

“I mean, sure, he’s a fleshy bag that vaguely resembles a crumpled up tissue, but Snoke’s not your mark tonight, is he? This Kylo Ren guy, on the other hand, you may be able to have some fun with…”

“My god, you’re truly _such_ a horndog, Connix.” Rey giggled as she turned to look at the sun setting over Brixton, “I’ll have you know I’ve never made a move on a mark, thank you very much. I much prefer the seduce, get them alone, get them to go night-night, take what I need and be on my merry way approach.”

In their line of work, fraternization with the enemy certainly happened on more than a few occasions, even if it wasn’t strictly necessary. Being with the Resistance meant being ready to absolutely anything to get your job done, and sometimes that required a little trip behind enemy lines. While Connix, unfortunately, had a point about the hot ones being _totally insane and evil_ , Rey had managed to avoid temptation the past few years, that was probably one of the reasons she was able to move up the ranks so quickly. Many of her colleagues couldn’t say the same thing, even Holdo had told disclosed to Rey that from time to time she took advantage of the opportunity to blow off some steam while on the job. 

“God, he’s so fucking frustrating.”

Rey looked over her shoulder at Rose, who’d just come out onto the balcony after taking a call from Finn. Sympathetically, Rey grabbed her pack of smokes off the balcony railing and offered them to Rose, arching an eyebrow. 

“Trouble in paradise? Or trouble with the specs?” Rey took another deep drag, relishing in feeling.

“A little bit of both I suppose,” Rose grumbled, shooing off Rey’s extended hand before opening her laptop on the small patio table for the three of them to congregate around. “You’re on the list, entry should be no problem, but unfortunately the micro-cam won’t be fully functional so Finn doesn’t want to risk sending you in there with a prototype. Who knows what kind of scanners security will have. However, I’ll be able to get into the venue’s security system no problem so we’ll still have eyes on you. Transport should be here around 7 o’clock.” 

“Right then. I’ve gone into much stickier situations with much less. Any word on the secondary location?”

“Unfortunately, no. Again, this guy is so hush-hush he’s obviously not booked himself into a hotel as Kylo Ren. Once you’re on the move we’ll be able to see where you end up and go from there.” 

“Let’s finish up this whole, process, then,” Rey muttered, gesturing to her robe and hair that Kaydel had immaculately set in large rollers, her make-up already finished. “Won’t be getting to any kind of secondary location looking like some half-ready crazy cat lady.” 

“C’mon, you’d be able to bring any fool to their knees wearing a bin bag Rey,” Kaydel teased as she headed inside to get Rey’s dress ready, “You make my job easy Kanata!”

“Yeah yeah, alright. I’ll be in in a minute,” Rey rolled her eyes, a bit of pink rising to her cheeks as she nudged Rose to follow Kaydel inside. 

After Rose shut the balcony door behind her, Rey turned back to the sunset as she finished her cigarette. The sky was a brilliant mix of orange and red, fading to a dusky pink that was hidden behind the neighborhood’s skyline. Never knowing where the wind, or rather the Resistance, would take her next, Rey treasured every moment she had in her cozy one-bedroom flat. She’d never really had a home so to speak, but this place and the friend she had here was about as close as she’d come. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath as a breeze passed through the early evening air, Rey savored the sounds of the city before heading back inside. 

_It was time to go to work._

X X X X X

Rey steeled herself as she stepped out of the car service, nodding graciously to Ackbar as he pulled away from the curb. She looked up at the venue, the Victoria and Albert Museum, accented with large First Order banners hanging from the front of the building. Rey fought the urge to roll her eyes at the sight. 

_Why was it the bad guys always got to be so out in the open while the Resistance had to essentially live in the shadows? Darkness was out in the light, while the light was shadowed by darkness._

She made her way up the short staircase, waiting among all the men in tuxes and women in gowns and their very best furs before she reached the doorman. 

“Mary. Mary Debenham.” 

The doorman, dressed in a black standard-issue First Order grunt uniform, gave her a once-over before turning to his tablet. 

“Welcome, Miss Debenham. Have a lovely evening.” He moved to the side and Rey nodded, giving him a soft smile as she walked past him, entering the main reception area before making her way into the fete. 

The place was buzzing, high-ranking First Order officers and their companions mingling with global politicians over cocktails and glasses of what Rey assumed was grossly expensive champagne that probably tasted like swill. She stuck to the walls, keeping to herself in various corners of the exhibit halls as she scanned the crowd. This really would be _much_ easier if Rey had a clearer image of what the almighty Kylo Ren looked like. She nursed her drink, foregoing making small talk with other guests to avoid drawing attention to herself. See everything without being seen is what always echoed in her head in settings like this, and it’s exactly why she was very pleased with the outfit Kaydel had pulled for the occasion. 

Her outfit was essentially all black because no other color seemed quite as fitting for this situation, but it wasn’t the simple slip gown she had been envisioning. Instead, Kaydel dressed her in a gorgeous, floor-length gown with an embellished, fitted bodice and detailing that lead down to the numerous layers of sheer black tulle that made up the skirt of the dress. She’d kept it simple with a soft make-up look and her hair in big, loose waves that inched just past her collarbones. Rey didn’t consider herself to be any sort of fashion expert, but she was quite pleased with how everything came together. However, she _really_ wished Kaydel chose something that let her wear a normal bra because these chicken cutlet contraptions emphasizing her bust were less than ideal.

She floated around the event for about an hour before she finally saw him. Even with their very limited intel, she was certain the man alone at the bar at the top of the exhibition hall steps was the enigma that was Kylo Ren. He was _bigger_ in person, Rey mused, dressed in a fitted and immaculately tailored all-black tuxedo with onyx hair that grazed the tops of his shoulders. 

Even in a room packed with downright sinister people, everything about him seemed commanding and powerful. He was all broad shoulders and brooding stares as he turned his back to the bar, making his way to the marble railing and gazing out over the party. His expression gave away absolutely nothing. Truth be told, he looked like he’d rather be anywhere else in the world. 

Rey watched intently as his eyes scanned the room, and it was only a matter of time before they landed on her. No one else appeared to notice him up there, or at least no one else down below dared look up at him because as Rey soon found out his gaze was certainly, intense. Their eyes locked and although she was certain he couldn’t see it from up there, Rey piqued an eyebrow at him, intrigued as he refused to look away.

_Well, this might be easier than I thought._

Quite pleased with herself, Rey refused to break eye contact, the crowd between them seemed a blur as they looked upon each other for either ten seconds or ten minutes. She really couldn’t tell. Eventually, he was the first one to break, his expression still unreadable as he turned away from the railing and walked back to the upstairs bar. 

_Well-played, Mister Kylo Ren. Well-played for a walking waste bin. Game on._

Rey turned on her heel, making her way out onto the terrace that overlooked the museum’s garden. She fished her cigarettes out of her gold clutch that was probably far too expensive and quickly took her phone out, firing off a quick update to her team through their encrypted network. 

**SCAVENGER:** Mark spotted, don’t need visual confirmation. Have half-heartedly engaged. Stand-by.

Tucking her phone away, she pulled her lighter out and struggled against the breeze to ignite the tip of the slim cigarette, mumbling curse words to herself. 

_C’mon, not now._

Rey jumped when a large hand appeared in front of her, seemingly out of nowhere, and lit her cigarette before she could even spin around to see who it was. 

“You know, although the practice is a bit dated, you are allowed to smoke inside here.”

When her eyes settled on his face, up-close, she realized that maybe Kaydel had a point. The guy wasn’t _totally_ unfortunate looking. Now face to face with the elusive Kylo Ren, Rey quickly took in the intimate details of his face. He had a faint, silvery scar that started on the left side of his forehead and raked down past his brow and extended to the neat collar of his dress shirt and his face was dusted with faint freckles here and there, accompanied by a few beauty marks. He was clean-shaven tonight, but upon closer inspection, Rey could tell the man could grow a decent mustache if he felt inclined to do so. His deep brown eyes seemed to search Rey’s face with the same intensity that they had across the room inside. 

They both took a moment to size each other up, taking turns seemingly cataloging the details of the other’s face with feigned indifference. Again, Rey couldn’t tell if ten seconds or ten minutes passed as they took each other in. 

“Oh, I’m aware. What I was not aware of was the fact that apparently cigarette holders are still a thing. They seem a bit dated as well, no?” 

This time it was Rey who lost their little staring competition. Kylo nodded, seemingly in agreement, eyes still fixed on Rey as she brought the cigarette to her lips. 

_That’s right, eyes on me big guy._

“I mean I would argue that smoking, in general, is fairly dated.”

His voice just _fit_ him so well. It was just as powerful and commanding as the look on his face back inside. Deep, gravelly and monotone, probably due to a lack of any sort of emotions or conscience, Rey mused.

“You know those things can kill you?” 

_He’s American, noted._

“At the end of the day, can’t almost anything kill you?” Rey replied with a small shrug, looking up at him through her mascara slicked lashes. Nodding towards the ballroom she continued, “I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’d agree with me that there’s a higher probability of any given person here killing you than some smokes being your downfall.”

“Touché,” He piqued an eyebrow at her, a seemingly amused expression crossing his stern features as he reached inside his jacket pocket, pulling out a pack of American Spirits and lighting one, movements mirroring Rey’s as he took a deep drag. Rey feigned surprise, her mouth dropping open into an o-shape as she raised her brows at him. This earned another wry smile from the _almighty_ Kylo Ren smoke escaped through his long, pointed nose. 

He certainly wasn’t traditionally “hot” by any means, but there was something about him that nonetheless felt magnetic. He seemed to walk around with his own personal gravitational field, pulling unwilling stars into his orbit whether he meant to or not. Rey understood why First Order Solutions had brought him on board. They continued to regard each other in somewhat comfortable silence, his entire presence just felt _imposing_. Maybe if she had even an ounce of common sense in her body, she’d even be scared of the man. 

“Are you familiar with this crowd then? Not sure I’ve ever seen you at one of our functions.”

“Here with a friend of a friend, last-minute invite,” Rey smiled, taking a sip from her neglected gin and tonic she’d left on the railing behind her. Always keep it vague, always keep it believable. Sure, some of the most powerful people in the world were at this gala, but there were just as many guests who were here purely as arm candy and _that_ was the perfect demographic for Rey to insert herself in. “You said ‘ _our_ functions’, do you work for First Order Solutions?”

“You could say that-”

Before he could complete the thought, the doors opened and the little bubble the two of them had formed was abruptly popped as a man stepped out to join them. 

He was about the same height as Rey in these ridiculous heels, and while he _was_ what some people would consider traditionally “hot” his build was dwarfed by Kylo’s as he saddled up next to him. He looked stressed as he politely nodded at Rey, acknowledging her before turning to Kylo and forcing a hand through his own gelled back hair. 

“Mr. Ren, I’m sorry I didn’t realize you had company,” he cleared his throat before continuing as if he seemed apprehensive interrupting whatever was happening here between his employer and this random guest. “Sn-, uh, you know. He’d like a word with you before the speeches begin.” 

Something flickered in Kylo’s eyes as he curtly nodded before replying with a half-hearted smile. He _almost_ appeared nervous. “Thank you, Dameron. I’ll be inside momentarily.” 

“Of course,” the man, named Dameron, nodded to Rey again as he turned on his heels and head back inside, Kylo’s head-turning to watch him leave before he looked off into the distance, looking past Rey as if she knew what she was going to say next. 

Once they were alone again, Rey broke the silence. It was time to reel this catch in. 

“Ren, as in…” she raised her eyebrows at him as she let her voice trail off, allowing Kylo the opportunity to reply. 

“The very same one,” when he turned back to face her, his eyes had gone dark but retained a fragment of mirth as he registered her expression of feigned surprise. That expression quickly shifted to a very real surprise when he continued with, “I get the feeling that doesn’t matter much to you though. You don’t seem like the type to run for the hills at the first sight of trouble. I like to think I’m quite a perceptive person and I think that if anything, you probably like it when things are a bit more high stakes.”

He took a step closer to her, beginning to close the little distance there was between them with Rey’s back pressed up against the balcony railing. Rey let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding when they were finally mere inches apart, Kylo looking down at her with those dark eyes like the cat who got the cream. 

“If I truly am as perceptive as I think I am, I think that that fun fact might have just made this...” he gestured between the two of them before reaching behind Rey to flick his now long forgotten cigarette butt in the ashtray, “A done deal.”

As he brought his hand back to his side he purposefully grazed his fingertips along Rey’s waist and _wow_ how had she not noticed until now how big his fucking hands were. Her breath hitched as she finally dared to look up at him, amazed by the electricity that coursed through her veins that was set off by the simplest, briefest touch. This, this feeling, that was ignited deep in her belly was certainly an unforeseen complication. 

_Shit. I think I’m going to sleep with Kylo Ren. I think I WANT to sleep with Kylo Ren._

“Why walk away from the table while you’re on a hot streak?” Rey almost didn’t recognize her voice but she was just relieved that it hadn’t cracked, unwilling to clue him in any further on her inconvenient attraction to him. Sure, this was the goal all along, to play the part of a little seductress, get him alone, slip him a night night pill and take what she needed before disappearing into the night, but Rey was coming closer and closer each second to understanding why her colleagues chose to voluntarily sleep with their marks from time to time. 

This time, he gave Rey a smile that actually did reach his eyes before reaching up to push a stray wisp of hair away from her face and Rey couldn’t help but internally melt. 

“Don’t go too far. I’ll find you.”

_Yep. Definitely, probably, possibly, maybe going to sleep with Kylo Ren._

Before she could muster back some witty comeback and prolong their little cat and mouse routine, he was gone. He had disappeared back inside to talk to _him_ , who Rey could assume was the only man whose name could instill even more fear than the hallowed Kylo Ren. Percival Snoke, CEO of First Order Solutions. 

After taking a few moments to collect herself, she pulled her phone out of her bag, firing off another update to her team. 

**SCAVENGER:** Mark has been engaged, the stage is set, looks like I’ve got a show to put on. Stand-by for eventual movement to a secondary location. 

She wasn’t expecting a response. It was standard for teams to not respond unless prompted to by whoever was working in the field to avoid an agent receiving a risky or inconveniently timed message notification. After closing that conversation, she opened her separate one with just Rose and Kaydel, feeling like a middle school girl about to babble on endlessly about her high school crush. Finn and the rest of her team didn’t need to know about this. 

**SCAVENGER:** SOS. I think I want to fuck his brains out. 

She lit another cigarette as she waited for a response from her girls, nervously beginning to tap her foot as she waited for further guidance, which didn’t take long as moments later her notification alerts sounded. 

**CODE QUEEN:** Shut the front door. 

**FAIRY GODMOTHER:** I knew it. I fucking KNEW IT. I told you he wasn’t half-bad!

**CODE QUEEN:** I don’t think anything more on-brand has ever happened. You do 25+ missions exactly like this within a year and don’t feel a single ounce of attraction to any marks but when we’re dealing with one of the most dangerous men in the world, you’re ready to throw it down.

**CODE QUEEN:** The rational part of me wants to say proceed with caution and do NOT break from your standard operating routine, but the much less rational side of me says: DO IT. 

**FAIRY GODMOTHER:** Listen to the less rational side, 100% hands down listen to the less rational side. This is what you deserve. 

Rey chuckled at Kaydel’s use of clapping hand emojis to punctuate each word of her last sentence. This is exactly the kind of negative influence she needed to throw caution to the wind and “throw down” as Rose so eloquently put it. She knew this was the most likely response and honestly, her mind was already made up before she’d even messaged them. Their approval was just what she needed to dot the last few i’s and cross the last few t’s. She couldn’t help the snort that escaped her when Kaydel followed up again. 

**FAIRY GODMOTHER:** I just know he’s huge. He has to be. 

Rey couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face as she closed the password-protected messaging feature, throwing back the rest of her drink and finishing her second cigarette before heading back inside where the evening’s speeches had begun. She had a feeling Kaydel was onto something there. 

By the time she stepped back inside, the speeches were in full swing. It took all of Rey’s focus to tune out the voices droning on and on as she continued to walk along the walls. It was all complete and utter bullshit she’d heard about before, First Order Solutions’ specialty was just finding novel ways to regurgitate the same propaganda. She periodically glanced forward at the stage where the devil incarnate Snoke himself was droning on. She noted that Kylo was absent from the other First Order higher up and executives lined up on the stage, donning their full regalia. 

They looked the perfect picture of the war criminals they were. 

_Political donations. Tax breaks. Financial write-offs. Cutting-edge tech. Wouldn’t you rather be prepared for a worst-case scenario then be left scrambling to find a new best-case scenario?_

Rey finally settled in the back corner of the venue, refreshed drink in hand as she leaned against the wall. She wasn’t alone long before she felt someone sidle up next to her. She kept her eyes trained forward on the stage, not turning directly to address her new companion who was trying not to draw any attention to their conversation. 

“Mr. Ren had to leave the event. He’s asked me to escort you to him if you feel at all compelled to.”

_Dameron_. Rey looked down to where he had raised his left arm, inviting her to take it.

She did, without hesitation, and accompanied him out of the exhibition hall. 

X X X X X

Rey and Dameron, _Poe_ Dameron, as it turns out, were relatively silent in the car after their sudden exit from the event. They were in the back of a standard-issue First Order Solutions luxury SUV, no doubt contributing astronomical carbon emission to the already grimy London air as they rolled down the street. Poe opted to sit in the backseat with Rey, on the opposite side of the bench. The only interaction between them during the ten-minute car ride outside of Poe's eyes drilling into her profile was Rey reaching over and putting a vice grip on his knee about halfway there since he just _couldn’t stop fucking tapping it_. 

_For someone who probably is tasked with this sort of thing all the time, this Poe guy seems very on edge._

They couldn’t have gotten to the hotel fast enough. The car ride over was one of the most awkward experiences of Rey’s 20 something years on Earth and that was a lot coming from someone who’d been in _many_ a car ride in an armored vehicle en route to some schmuck thinking they were about to hook-up. This time around, however, Rey felt a bit on edge herself. 

She had every right to be though, considering she was _definitely, probably, possibly, maybe_ going to sleep with the schmuck in question, a real first for her _._ Aside from the nerves, there was something else. Some kind of sick anticipation. It’d barely been two hours since they’d parted, three hours since she first met the guy, and six hours ago she wasn’t even certain she knew what he looked like but now thoughts of him were the only thoughts she had. 

As soon as Poe stepped out of the vehicle to walk around the car and open her door for her, Rey quickly peeked into her purse, ensuring she still had service so they’d be able to see where the secondary location was and get eyes inside. She tucked her phone back in her bag as soon as the passenger side door swung open, and Rey graciously accepted Poe’s hand as she struggled to climb down without getting caught up in her dress. Wordlessly, she tucked her arm back into his when he prompted her and let him escort her into the grand, ostentatious and Rey’s opinion, downright tacky, lobby of the Mandarin Oriental Hyde Park. 

Poe exchanged hushed greetings with some First Order goons hanging out in the lobby on the way to the elevators. As soon as the doors shut in the first available car they stepped into, Poe gently unwrapped his arm from hers and they fell back into their now oddly comforting silence. Poe leaned forward, reaching in front of Rey as he pressed the buttons for two consecutive floors after scanning some sort of badge against the built-in reader. 

Rey’s eyes flicked up to the intricately painted and gold-leafed detailing on the elevator ceiling, watching as they quickly rose. When they reached their first stop, Poe stepped forward, standing in the frame of the elevator doors to stop them from closing as he turned around to say goodnight to Rey. 

“This is where I leave you. His is the only suite on the floor. It was a true pleasure to meet you.” With that, he respectfully gave Rey this odd, half-bow sort of gesture before turning back around and turning to head down the hallway.

When he was five feet away and the doors were beginning to close Rey decided to stick her head out, calling out after the man. 

“Thank you, for everything.”

He stood still for a second before looking over his shoulder and nodding, his expression unreadable. Rey stepped back into the elevator and startled herself when she saw her reflection in the smudge-free gold doors. She’d almost forgotten what she was here to do, why she was dressed to the nines. When the elevator began to lift to the next floor, Rey suddenly had the presence of mind to remember she _actually_ wanted to make a move on her mark this time.

“Shit,” she cursed to herself alone in the elevator as she remembered the stupid, horrible chicken cutlet contraptions that were currently tucked into her dress. While they certainly helped draw attention to her _décolletage_ , or adorable angel tits as Kaydel so eloquently described them, she wasn’t sure that they’d provide the same desired effect if Kylo came face to face with them. 

She reached her free hand down the fitted front of her dress, desperately trying to get the blasted things out as soon as possible. The elevator doors began to open and she began to step out, pausing to finish the job before going to knock on Kylo’s door. She’d gotten one out and managed to shove it in her clutch before a cleared throat caused her to snap her head up. 

_Ah, “his suite is the only one on the floor” apparently meant his suite was the entire floor._

When she looked up, Rey wasn’t standing in a mirror image of the elevator bay on the floor just below them. She was instead standing in the middle of an opulent suite, extravagant and undoubtedly very expensive but not as _tacky_ as the lobby downstairs. As her eyes scanned the room, hand frozen down the front of her dress, mid-rescue mission, they landed on Kylo Ren. 

Kylo Ren still in his tux minus the jacket that was now draped over the back of a chair in the suite’s large living room. Kylo Ren standing at the suite’s fully stocked bar to her right, fixing two drinks with the top of his shirt unbuttoned and his undone bowtie hanging haphazardly around his neck. Kylo Ren staring at the hand that was frozen in place, cupping her tit, with both eyebrows raised and a look of genuine amusement on his face as his eyes snapped back up to meet hers. 

Rey could’ve sworn she heard him almost chuckle as he turned back to the task in front of them. 

“The first bathroom is right behind you, take your time,” he called out, his tone slightly teasing as he began to cut up a lime at the bar. 

Rey spun on her heel before he could catch the deep blush quickly racing up her chest, rising to her cheeks. She quietly slipped into the bathroom and locked the door behind her before turning on the cold water faucet. So much for a sexy and slinky entrance, but when would Rey ever do anything right when it came to _Kylo Ren_? She’d already let herself get this far, and as far as she could tell this was the point of no return. She had the perfect chance to slip in right then, offer to bring the drinks over and slip him a pill then. She could have been in and out in under two hours. But at this point, choices were made and Rey was certain she would not be out in under two hours. Not if she had anything to say about it. 

She finally wrangled the other contraption out of her bodice before hiking her dress up, carefully removing the harness around her right thigh. She folded the simple leather holster up, smiling at her favorite silver and orange dagger before tucking them both into her purse. She had a feeling she wouldn’t be needing _that_ kind of protection tonight. Once more, Rey pulled out her phone to send out a message. 

**SCAVENGER:** At secondary location. Mandarin Oriental, top-end suite. Talk when it’s over. 

She secured the snap on her clutch after slipping her phone in, looking in the mirror and willing the pink flush to leave her cheeks as she brought a damp cold water cloth up to her neck and blotted the area. Leaning in close to the mirror, she checked her make-up for any smudging and gave her hair a ruffle, trying to bring a bit more volume to her wavy hair. She stood up straight, rolling her shoulder back and taking a deep breath as she reached into her bag one more time, reapplying her rose-tinted lip balm and running her tongue over her teeth. 

“C’mon Kanata. The man wants you, let’s just get the deed done, you want this and you _deserve_ this Rey.” 

She attempted to wait until her nerves were completely settled before stepping outside the bathroom, but in the end, her simple desire to get out there beats common sense. She opened the door quietly, making her way over to the living room area where Kylo was now seated in front of the roaring fireplace, an unoccupied chair right across from him. 

She slowly made her way to the bar, incredibly aware of his eyes flitting to follow her every mood and picking up the gin and tonic he’d left for her. Apparently, he was as perceptive as he’d said earlier, going out of his way to cut her a lemon wedge even though he drank it with lime. Must’ve noticed at the gala. She took careful sips as she moved to sit in the unoccupied chair, coming face to face with him. 

The flickering light emitting from the fireplace was warm and comforting while the harsh shadows it cast across Kylo’s face made him look more menacing than ever. He raised leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees with his left palm cradling his tilted face as his right arm extended, motioning his glass towards Rey’s. She lifted her glass, the melting ice creating cold perspiration all around the outside of the intricate crystal. Never taking his eyes off his, their glasses clinked and they took deep swigs from their respective glasses, essentially draining them in one fell swoop. 

“I know a face that has questions when I see one. So why don’t I, before we get started on why you’re here, answer a question or two for you? Does that sound fair to you?”

Rey nodded, clearing her throat and taking one more sip for liquid courage before she sat up straight, crossing her legs in front of her and folding her hands in her lap. 

“Earlier during the speeches, why weren’t you on stage? I understand from the friend I was invited by that you’re kind of a big deal when it comes to all things First Order Solutions as of late.”

“Easy. because I like being able to get reactions like the one I got from you earlier. I know you could sense that I was a person of _somewhat_ importance, but seeing the cogs in your pretty little head turn when Dameron so rudely let my name slip was priceless. For me, that makes what we’re about to do so much better…” His words trailed off as he sat back up, now leaning forward with his palms resting on his knees, “Because you know who I am, yet here you are. Practically serving yourself up to me on a silver platter. All people need to know is that Kylo Ren exists and works for First Order Solutions. The masses don’t need a face to the name.”

Rey nodded, surprisingly satisfied with his answer although answering it in the third person was a bit curious. It made sense, who wouldn’t want to remain in the shadows as much as possible? If he could operate at this executive-level without having to give up the freedom of being able to walk down a street unrecognized, why wouldn’t he want to? That was one of Rey’s favorite parts about being on board with the Resistance, because of the covert nature of her team, she didn’t have to deal with the fear of being spotted on the street at any given moment. 

“Do you have a question for me now? Only seems fair,” Rey knew this was a risk, she had only come up with so much background information for _Mary Debenham_ tonight and honestly feared that her normally sharp wit and ability to think on her feet may be dulled by her overwhelming urge to climb into the man’s lap right the fuck now. Kylo nodded, beginning to stand as he finished his drink. He set the empty tumbler on the coffee table before he closed the distance between them with a few broad steps. They were now toe to toe and he looked down at Rey as he hovered over her. 

“Are you scared?”

This question wasn’t new for Rey. She could pull back memories from her foster home days as a child, bratty older boys asking her the very same thing before locking her in a supply closet for hours on end. Her team constantly asked her this question, almost once an hour every hour leading up to a high-risk expedition. It was the last thing Rose had asked her today before she was sent off with Ackbar. This time, the question somehow felt more loaded than ever but Rey’s answer remained the same it always had in the past. 

She looked up at Kylo, setting her drink next to his before leaning back to get a better view of him, “No. Not of you.”

She wondered if he could pick up on the nuances in her voice, if he was _so perceptive_ he could see right through her and see that she truly wasn’t afraid of him, as an individual. She was afraid of _them_ , afraid of what this night might ultimately lead to in the future. He nodded, slowly dropping to his knees in front of Rey. From this angle, he coaxed Rey forward and when he sat up straight, he still managed to be somehow above her eye level, encroaching on her space. 

With far gentler hands than anticipated, he brought his hand up to cup Rey’s cheek, brushing his right thumb across her cheekbone before brushing it over her lips, eliciting a gasp. He moved his left hand to rest it on her knee, nudging her crossed legs apart to make space for himself. 

“Don’t be afraid. I feel it too.”

With that, he finally closed the last few inches between them, craning his head down so their lips could meet. His kiss was firm and calculated but somehow felt so desperate as he lit Rey’s nerve-endings on fire. She instantly brought her arms up around his neck, pulling him down and as close as humanly possible as she deepened the kiss. He was all she could smell, all she could feel, all she could taste as she let out a soft moan when he _finally_ slipped his tongue along hers, his left hand instantly sliding up her leg and squeezing her waist in response. At least she wasn’t the only one getting worked up by simple heavy petting. 

If she wasn’t in such a frenzy she probably would’ve been embarrassed at the fact that she was practically whimpering when he pulled back periodically to work on the buttons of his dress shirt, but she quickly shut up when she was greeted by the sight of a very solid, nearly shirtless Kylo Ren. He was looking up at her with wonder in just his tux pants and a white sleeveless undershirt. 

_God, I’m already so gone for this fucker._

Even out of the power tux, he still radiated the same imposing, powerful energy he had when he was dressed to the nines. Everything about his frame was broad and just _big_ as he sat back on his knees, catching his breath. His pouty lips were already tinged a dark pink from the friction and Rey was sure she was in a similar state if his dark eyes raking over her were anything to go off of. 

Carefully, he leaned back in and Rey began to mirror him before he suddenly wrapped a hand around her ankle and rested the other on her waist as he leaned down and began peppering kisses down the column of her exposed neck. Rey practically purred as she let her legs drop open wider, letting him adjust her as he brought the ankle in hand up to his shoulder, leaning in and hitching her knee over his back. Without letting up on her neck, earning extra moans and whimpers when he left a love bite or two, his hands moved to the bottom of her dress, working almost frantically to push the fabric up to her waist and get it out of his way because apparently, _that_ was a thing that was happening. 

She missed the heat of him when he pulled away and suddenly very aware of how exposed she was. She had spread her legs open languidly and the entire skirt of her dress was now rucked up to her waist, with Kylo kneeling between her legs and taking her in as if she was the greatest thing he’d ever seen. It was at this moment she was grateful for the spray tan and sugaring appointment Kaydel had booked for her earlier this week. Kylo’s eyes flicked up to hers as he leaned down and began slowly kissing from her knee up the inside of her thigh, seeking permission to go further. 

Rey nodded, reaching down and running a hand through his hair and _god_ , she’d wanted to do that all night. She wasn’t sure she could do this whole teasing thing much longer as she scooted her hips to the edge of the wide chair. Her breath got caught in her throat when he finally worked his way up to her sex. 

He gently pressed an open-mouth kiss against the sheer black lace still covering her, and she could explode just from that, to be honest. It was nothing, however, compared to the sensation when he reached up and pulled the flimsy fabric to the side, fully running his tongue between her folds. 

When his tongue grazed her clit she couldn’t help but drop her head back, getting attention where she needed it the most. Fueled by her reaction, she was almost sure she could feel the asshole smirk against her before flicking his tongue pointedly against her clit again. She couldn’t help but dig her heel into his back, and if the pointed heel of her stiletto hurt him, he didn’t clue her in on it. He remained unwavered, moving both hands to the insides of her thighs, his grip almost a bit too tight as he carried on manipulating her with his tongue. 

His nose bumped her clit as he lapped at her entrance, sighing against her contentedly before slipping his tongue inside of her, bringing a thumb up to work methodical circles over her bundle of nerves with the skill of a first-string violinist. Rey felt the muscles across her toned stomach begin to jump, contracting subtle as she clawed closer and closer towards her release. 

“F-fuck, right there Ky-” she didn’t give a shit how ridiculous she sounded, practically begging the man who looked so at home between her legs to get her off. Her words hung in the air between them as he pulled back for a second, finally visible past the layers of her tulle skirt separating them. His thumb continued to move as he licked his lips, locking eyes with her as he adjusted himself.

“Don’t call me that.”

Rey quickly nodded without even thinking about the weight of his words. She didn’t have long to process _why_ he’d said that before he suddenly plunged two fingers inside of her without letting up on her clit. It took what little restraint she had left not to shriek as her head dropped back again, flush rising quickly from her chest up to her cheeks. 

“Fuck, god, okay, yeah,” she threw her arm over her screwed-shut eyes, allowing herself to just relish in how expertly he was working her over. His filthy mouth was certainly helping her along as he kept his pace constant, disappearing back beneath her _blasted_ dress while his fingers continued to work. 

“Look how pretty your fucking cunt is, so cute and pink, maybe the prettiest I’ve ever seen.” Oh, that one had _quite_ the effect on Rey as she bit down on her thumb to stop from squealing. This man had reduced her to an absolute freak and Rey was almost certain she would most certainly simply die of embarrassment before the night ended. 

“You’re so fucking wet, is this all for me?” The cocky asshole’s tone was almost infuriating enough to warrant a swift kick to the back but Rey couldn’t even muster the strength to do that. All she could do was whimper and nod frantically as he’d replaced his thumb on her clit with his mouth. 

He was _so_ deliciously grazing where she was most sensitive with his teeth as he sucked. She reached down past her skirts and fisted a hand in his hair, her thighs clamping down around the sides of his head and her heels surely digging scratches into his back as she redirected his mouth to _the_ perfect spot. 

“I’m so, god. Ky-, babes, so fucking close,” Rey managed to mumble out, taking the hand that wasn’t still wedged in his _stupid soft hair_ and trying to shove her dress down to get a better view of the man who was already on track to be the best lay of her life. 

She grew frustrated and flopped back, chest rapidly rising and falling as she could feel herself climbing closer to her peak. After hearing her, he became truly relentless for a lack of better words. He’d nudged a third finger in as his tongue didn’t let up, almost actively chasing a restless Rey with his mouth before steadying her with a bruising grip on her hip. 

When he curled his fingers just right, twisting them right up against where she needed them the most, her orgasm slammed through her. While she was normally fairly vocal, she found herself rendered breathless and incoherent as she struggled to catch her breath. Her brain couldn’t form a comprehensive thought, let alone one she could manage to say out loud. Instead, she was all pretty pants and whimpers as she clenched around his stupidly large fingers while her hips couldn’t help but stutter. 

He pushed her through it, maintaining just enough pressure to prolong it for her as long as he could. It felt like it’d been something like five minutes by the time her orgasm was done crashing over her. She was so blissed out you could’ve told her it lasted a whole hour and she wouldn’t question it, little tremors continuing to move through her like waves as she caught her breath. 

He slowed down with her, slipping a finger out and shifting from his persistent sucking and pressure to much more gentle laps as she came down. Eventually, Rey carefully untangled her hand from his hair and brought it up to fix her hair, which she’d tried to nearly tear out of her head at some point. As she began to sit back up, he’d finally pulled both his fingers out and gave her clit one last _gentle_ kiss that sent a shiver down her spine. When he finally emerged from her now very suffocating bundled up dress, Rey nearly came apart all over again. 

_Holy shit. He’s trying to fucking kill me. This is not a drill._

His eyes were almost black with desire. She thought she’d seen him with desire in his eyes earlier already, so maybe this was something more than desire. Not desire, but an all-consuming lust. A shit-eating smirk played at his lips as he brought those stupidly large fingers that had just made her see stars to his mouth, tongue flicking out to taste _her_ on him. His tongue darted out to lick his lips after, covering them in a glossy sheen and he looked obscene. 

In her post-orgasm haze, she found she was able to focus so clearly right now on the details of his face. His scar, the dusting of freckles like her own coupled with a smattering of beauty marks. She had the strongest urge to press her lips to each and everyone and found herself wondering if she’d ever see him with his facial hair grown out.

_Get it together, Kanata. That was fun but you know the second you step out of this suite, you are never seeing this man again._

Rey gently shook her head, as if that would temporarily stall the inevitable thought that’d crept into her head. There was no room for emotions here. 

_Emotions? Never. Orgasms? Yes, please._

She managed to finally be the one to catch him off guard at some point tonight, pulling him towards her as he began to stand just to seal his lips in a bruising kiss. He groaned into her mouth, fueled by the thought of her tasting herself mingled with him before finally pulling back, Rey immediately moving to hide her face in the crook of his neck before he could catch the flush that’d returned to her cheeks. Rey hadn’t thought much of just kissing since she’d been around fourteen, playing tonsil hockey with the same older boys who’d made her childhood hell. Her mind was still spinning when he finally slowly sat back on his knees. How could just kissing feel so good?

Rey wanted to pout at the loss of his weight over her but stopped herself when she was greeted by the sight of quite a large crease in the front of Kylo’s now much tighter tuxedo pants. He stood up, adjusting his pants as he moved and extended a hand to Rey to help her out of the deep chair. 

“I have to take a quick phone call-” Kylo essentially whispered as he gently turned Rey around so her back was facing him, guiding her hips with his hands.

“I’m sorry, what?” Rey interjected, suddenly feeling much more alert as she began to spin around to look at his face. This man just gave her an earth-shattering orgasm and now he was just going to go place an order for five hundred more bomber jets or some bullshit like that? The fucker dared to laugh at Rey’s reaction, gripping her hips tighter to stop her from turning around.

“Maybe you can ask me about it later. It’ll be fast, top off our drinks and I’ll see you in there.” He nodded towards the double doors that lead to what Rey could only assume was the master bedroom. He leaned down, pressing a quick kiss and nip to the top of her right shoulder as he slowly unzipped the back of her dress, careful not to snag any fabric. He gave her shoulders a tight squeeze and pressed an open-mouthed kiss that felt way too endearing to Rey’s forehead before walking away, grabbing his phone off the coffee table on his way to the balcony. 

Fix them fresh drinks before going to his room, no problem. Just a nightcap before he hopefully fucks her brains out. Rey was almost upset he was now presenting her with the perfect opportunity to slip him some of the sleep aid crushed up inside the large silver ring on her pinky. While she’d done a lot of dumb things tonight already, even Rey couldn’t turn down the opportunity presented to her right now. She wasn’t sure how long he’d be out on the balcony, so Rey moved to collect their glasses and head back over to the bar with a bit of pep in her step. 

She found herself taking an odd amount of care measuring out the overpriced gin and tonic water, considering she was about to wreck it all with a little bit of pixie dust anyways. Her eyes cast over to the side, watching Kylo’s reflection on the balcony through a hanging floor length mirror. He looked frustrated, back to the floor to ceiling windows as he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

Christ, maybe he was in the middle of brokering a fucking nuclear arms deal. 

She kept her eyes trained on his reflection as she carefully unlatched the top of her ring, tapping the side of her pinky against the top of the glass to sprinkle the sleep aid in. She closed the ring carefully, checking to make sure she hadn’t let any stray powder make a mess on the expensive marble counters. Swirling the glass around to mix it in, she tossed in a fresh lime segment after squeezing the juice into his designated glass and putting a fresh lemon wedge in her own. 

She picked the drinks up, walking slowly to the bedroom as she tried not to trip over her undone dress. She set the drinks down on the closest nightstand she could find with her hands full in the dark, quickly flicking the _headboard_ apparently, as the whole panel was now backlit and emitting a soft glow through the whole room. 

Rey then turned to the task at hand. Getting out of this fucking nightmare of a dress she loved so much a few hours ago. She looked in the floor-length mirror and couldn’t help but grin at how fucking debauched she looked. Her lips were glossy and kiss swollen, hair hopelessly disheveled, the lovebites along her neck and chest had already begun to darken, the strap of her dress had completely slipped off one of her shoulders. She looked like someone who’d just been well and truly _fucked_ and yet they hadn’t even gone that far. Yet. 

She slipped the dress off of her other shoulder and shimmed a bit until it pooled around her feet. She stepped out of the dress slowly, careful not to step on any of the delicate before she picked it up, tossing it in the general direction of a chair in the corner of the room. Kylo told her to just wait in here, but that wasn’t going to work for Rey. 

Turning back to her reflection, she tried to salvage her hair. She finally managed to get it somewhat smoothed down, leaning in to wipe away some of her now smudged make-up. Standing back up straight and adjusting the flimsy black lace panties that were now low slung around her hips, she took in the rest of her appearance. 

Kylo Ren was right. She was about to present herself to him on a silver platter in nothing but a scrap of underwear and these incredibly painful shoes. The lift they gave her ass was _so_ worth it, she internally rationalized. She didn’t think much of her own body. She knew she was in relatively good shape, largely thanks to her intense training regime and schedule, but sometimes wished she could be a bit more feminine. She sometimes felt rather boyish, like she had too much taut definition across her body where there should be soft, touchable curves like the ones so many of her friends had been graced with. 

_Well, whatever. The guy is buying whatever you’re selling him, and who the fuck could say no to a practically naked girl in fuck me heels? No one, not even the fearsome Kylo Ren._

She smirked to herself as she stepped out of the room, putting a bit of a swing in her hips and keeping her chin up high in case he could see her taking long strides towards the balcony. For someone who was about to give herself completely to someone on MI6’s fucking watchlist, Rey sure felt like the powerful one here. She licked over her teeth before putting on her best smile and switching on her come-hither gaze, trying to open the door somewhat quietly on the off-chance she could catch a bit of his phone conversation. He was leaning forward with one palm braced on the wide ledge of the balcony, the fine lines defining his arms and back so visible to Rey in his undershirt. He was irritated as he practically hissed into the phone he was holding to his ear. 

“Fucking listen to me. No. Fuck, okay, yeah, Sn-” he trailed off when he realized he wasn’t alone. 

_Snoke. He was talking to fucking Percival Snoke. Yeah, alright, maybe he deserves that sleepy nightcap after all._

His slight annoyance at the intrusion was visible across his features as he began to turn his head to face Rey, and his expression _quickly_ shifted back to what she’d seen back inside when he’d untangled himself from her dress. Desire. It took what little strength Rey had left to not melt on the spot or just absolutely beam at the man as she took slow steps to close the distance between them, kicking the swing of her hips up a notch. 

“Yes. Okay. I’m going to have to get back to you in the morning. Nope, we’ll talk then.” He stumbled over his words before quickly ending the call and Rey couldn’t help but smile because it was her turn to look like the cat that got the cream. She closed the short space left between them by reaching up and wrapping her arms around his neck, almost purring at the sensation of her bare chest grazing his ribbed undershirt. 

“Sorry babes, I got…” she sighed and looked up at him as she brought one of her hands down, nails grazing a trail down his chest before she tugged at the top of his dress pants, “...impatient.”

“Oh no no, never apologize for _this_ , Jesus Christ,” his hands slid down her waist to her backside, giving her a firm squeeze to punctuate his words. “Let me just look at you for a second…”

He stepped back, taking one of her hands and lifting it as he motioned for her to do a twirl in front of him. She obliged, the chilly night air causing her rose shaded nipples to fully harden before he pulled her back in. In one seamless motion, he reached down and captured her lips with his own, bringing one hand to her waist and the other up to cup her breast, thumb flicking her piqued nipple. 

Rey had put both hands to work unzipping his constrictive pants, only trembling slightly in the cold night air. When they were finally loose enough, Rey was nearly giddy as she slid her hand down the front of his black briefs, wrapping her hand around the warm and welcoming base of his manhood. He shivered slightly at the contact from her cold hand but quickly recovered as he ducked down to capture the hardened peak he’d been working on with his mouth, a hand moving to give attention to the other neglected peak. He was heavy in Rey’s hand as she experimentally began to pump, crudely having freed his member from the top of his briefs. 

The top of his hair was blocking Rey’s view of him, but she clenched around nothing, suddenly aching for him, after just feeling out the length of him. Kaydel was right again. _Big_ , was one way to put it. 

Using her thumb to collect the small slick of moisture that’d already gathered at his tip, Rey lazily stroked the fluid over his length, grinning as he let up on her chest, muffling a guttural groan against Rey’s neck. He pulled back to look at her, his hair wild from Rey’s handiwork and flopping over his face. Rey immediately wanted to look away, his gaze too intense for her when she thought back to their first interaction at the gala. She wouldn’t be the one to break this time either. 

Kylo huffed, quickly realizing what Rey was playing at with her little staring contest. He wasn’t going to just roll over and let her win this time. He maintained eye contact with her as he dragged his fingertips up her sides, resting both hands on her waist as he pressed closer to her. His breath hitched when Rey began to pick up speed. 

“You wanna play this game right now?” His voice was a little ragged, breath picking up as Rey began to twist her hand at the top end of every stroke, smirking to herself when she heard him. “I could spend just about all night out here, just staring at you, so I think you may have met your match.”

Eyes still locked on his, trying to burn the memory of the flecks of amber that shone from them when the city lights twinkled in them. She smiled softly, looking up at him with her best doe eyes before biting her lip and slowly shaking her head. 

“No, I think I wanna play a different game right now…”

She blinked before leaning up, hand still working as she pressed a kiss on the section of his scar under his eye. She followed the mark down to the edge of his white undershirt, leaving a few lovebites in her wake. She only pulled back for a second, allowing Kylo to grunt as he hurriedly pulled the offending garment off, tossing it to the side haphazardly. His hands were quickly back on her waist, digging in slightly as she followed the scar to where it ended, halfway down his right pec. She carried on, slowly beginning to sink to her knees because just couldn’t stop thinking about the way he’d taste, how the weight of him would feel on her tongue, how he’d sound as she made him completely fall apart.

Instead of feeling her bare knees hit the cold concrete floor, she felt Kylo’s grip tighten on her waist, pulling her back up. She looked up at him, pouting as he shook his head, grinning down at her.

“Next time, darling.” He raised his eyebrows, eyes almost pleading. He ducked back down and captured her lips with his, teeth clashing before they fell back into a rhythm. Rey began to feel light-headed when he began pressing feather-light kisses across her sternum. 

“Need to be inside you, please.” His words were murmured against her neck, but Rey could hear the urgency in his tone without seeing his face. She nodded quickly, letting him press her against the balcony railing. She thought when she came out here they’d wind up back in the bedroom, but she wasn’t sure either of them could make it there. Rey barely registered the sound of delicate lace ripping when he ran his hand lower down her side. 

She felt him fumbling around with his tux pants in between them, finally kicking them off after producing a gold foil encased condom from the back pocket. Rey’s arms wrapped around his neck accompanied by her fleeting nips and nibbles around his structured jaw and neck probably didn’t help speed the process up, but she couldn’t possibly be expected to keep her hands off any longer. 

Kylo carefully maneuvered Rey to the best of his ability as she clung to him, seating her on the very edge of the thick balcony ledge and bringing her thighs up to wrap around his hips. He pulled back to hurriedly roll the condom on, groaning as Rey reached down to help him finish the job. She looked up at him as she used her hand to guide him towards her slick entrance, worrying her bottom lip as she concentrated. He teasingly smacked her wrist away, tutting at her with an arched brow. 

“Trust me, I think you’ll want me to handle it from here.” He smirked, one hand steady on her waist and the other wrapped around his base as he began to nudge at her entrance, only to drag the wetness up to her sensitive nub, driving Rey mental with just his tip. 

Before she could open up her mouth to say something short and snippy about how this was taking way too long, he thrust up inside her and Rey nearly saw stars. He slid in slowly, but he did not stop until she’d taken him to the hilt, body frantically working to process the new sensation. Slowly beginning to thrust, Kylo kept one hand on her waist to hold her steady and brought the other up to her cheek, thumb grazing her high cheekbones. 

Rey whimpered as his thrusts picked up speed, overwhelmed with how _full_ she felt. When he brushed his thumb from her cheek down to her lips, Rey jumped at the opportunity and flicked her tongue out, sucking the long digit into her mouth and quickly hollowing her cheeks as she looked up at him. His eyes were nearly obsidian, a growl escaping him as his hips became relentless, his hand almost certainly marking her hip with a bruise. She gasped, releasing his thumb to try to hide her face in the crook of his neck. 

“That’s not very fair is it, angel?” He brought his now freed hand up into her hair, fisting his hand in her roots and tugging her head back so she was looking up at him. “Want you to see me, angel, see how well you take me like you were fucking made just for me.”

She nearly was pushed over the edge by just how desperate he sounded. She nodded quickly, needily reaching up and losing her own hands in his hair to tug him down to her. She wasn’t even sure if they were kissing, she couldn’t focus on it as he angled his hips _just so_ and Rey nearly blacked out. Her eyes screwed shut in pleasure, lips pressed up against Kylo’s, just taking each other in as they each inched towards their release. The whole thing felt a lot more _intimate_ than it should, but Rey didn’t have time to categorically assess whether or not the way they were clinging to each other for dear life was too _intimate_ right now.

Not when Kylo Ren was still muttering indecent things against her lips as his hand finally dragged from her waist to her core, pressing fingers to where their bodies met and two became one. 

“You’re gonna cum for me, aren’t you? You’ll feel so good when you cum on my cock angel. Feel how fucking hard you make me?”

All Rey could do in response was nod frantically, pitifully whimper, or mutter a quiet _yes, babes_ against his lips. She was _so close_ , he’d begun skillfully circling her clit with two fingers, timing it perfectly with his deep, rocking thrusts that so deliciously grazed that special spot inside her. She was rapidly reaching her peak again, he was playing her with the skill of a virtuoso. 

She was sure she looked _fucked_ as she leaned back to get a better look at him, one arm slung around his neck and extended the other behind her, leaning back against the railing.

“For you, all for you, I’m so close, please…” She trailed off, giving him her best doe eyes as she looked up at him and earning a now brutal pace in response. 

The cool night air rushed through the space between them, a shiver ran down her spine but it felt heavenly against her flushed skin. Lazily looking up at him through her lashes, Rey couldn’t help but grin at the sight that greeted her. She felt nearly giddy at the sight of the feared Kylo Ren, absolutely falling apart at the seams because of _her._ He surely did this all the time, but there was a buzz between them, Rey mused to herself, pushing any thoughts of jealousy from her head and allowing herself to just feel right now. She was savoring everything as she raked her eyes over him, she wanted to make this time count. 

His brow was furrowed in concentration as his eyes greedily roamed her body, seemingly trying to commit her every curve to memory. A pink flush had spread high across his chest, probably from exertion combined with the cold winter air whipping around them. His hair was in an absolute state, mangled from Rey’s frantic hands and flopping over his dark eyes with every thrust. When he noticed the way that she was looking at him, he couldn’t help but smirk, shooting Rey a crooked smile as he leaned back down to loom over her. Rey treasured the glimpse she got at the little gap between his two front teeth, determined to commit everything about him to memory. 

Her eyes fluttered shut as their tongues met again. She felt the coil in the bottom of her stomach tightening, dangerously close to snapping. He was giving her absolutely everything she needed like he instinctively knew which itches she needed to be scratched. If his grunts and desperate lips were anything to go by, he wasn’t far behind her. It happened when Kylo found her bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth and _biting_ just as he expertly manipulated her clit with his callous thumb. She gasped and saw white as she came, dragging her nails down his broad, her legs constricting as she crossed her ankles behind his back. She needed him _close, close, close, now, now, now_. The taut muscles of her stomach jumped involuntarily as she came, grinding her hips back against him with everything she had, chasing the sensation. 

He worked her through it, giving her everything she needed. Small aftershocks rolled through her flushed body, a Cheshire cat grin spreading across her face as an unexpected _warmth_ fell over her. When he slowly pulled out she groaned at the loss, pouting and dazed, wondering if she’d somehow missed him getting off. Her internal question was swiftly answered and Kylo rushed to roll the condom off before discarding it, tossing it to the side. He trailed his fingers through her folds, Rey’s hips involuntarily bucking after the contact with her still sensitive clit. 

She nearly lost it again as she watched what he did next. He brought his hand to fist the base of his still very hard member, using her hot slick to pump his cock. His hand was flying, twisting at the tip with every stroke as he chased his release. 

“Fuck, so hot,” Rey whispered just loud enough for him to hear. She knew just what to say to get him off. “Mark me, babes, make me yours, all just for you…” 

Kylo Ren was the possessive type if Rey had learned anything in their short time together. Based on his reaction, she confirmed that she was right on the money. Rey leaned back on the balcony ledge, essentially offering herself up to him with her open stance. She’d carefully unhooked her legs from around his waist and presented herself to him. He lost it when he watched her bring her free hand up to tease her rosy nipple, taut and hard from the frigid London air. He resisted the urge to let his eyes roll back into his head as he finished, coating Rey’s toned lower stomach with his spend. 

While they slowly pulled apart, almost unwrapping from each other, Kylo stayed huddled over Rey still, looming with his dominating presence. Acutely aware of his eyes trained on her, she brought two fingers down to run them through the streaks that were slowly drying on her skin. Collecting a smudge of his seed, she brought her fingers to her mouth and relished in his taste on her tongue, not letting her eyes leave his. She finally released her fingers with an audible pop, grinning up at him. 

She’d rendered Kylo Ren speechless. He was slack-jawed, murmuring something along the lines of “un-fucking-believable, fucking angel” as he fisted his hand back into her hair, crashing their lips together. Rey couldn’t stop smiling against his lips, small giggles rising from her mouth. She felt floaty, on top of the world still in her post-orgasm haze. He pulled back and gently bumped his nose against hers, leaning back and helping her off the balcony ledge. 

“Fuck, you’re freezing, let’s get inside.”

She hadn’t even noticed how cold it was until he pointed it out to her, and suddenly she was freezing. She suspected it was pure adrenaline that’d kept her warm up until now. He stepped to the side and let her pass him to get inside first as he took it upon himself to collect his discarded clothing and the condom, wherever he’d tossed it. Rey couldn’t help but grab the first blanket she saw when she stepped inside, now fully shivering. She wrapped a grey fur throw from the chaise in the living room around her shoulders, bundling it up around her cheeks as she moved to stand in front of the fire. 

She closed her eyes, letting the heat from the flames lick up her body from her freezing feet, slowly gaining sensation back in her toes. When Kylo came in a minute later, unceremoniously dumping their clothing in a corner by the door, he couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight of her. She looked ridiculous, stark naked under a fur blanket, looking like a perfect picture of innocence even though the flush in her cheeks was from how wrecked she just was. 

“C’mon then, let’s get cleaned up…” He nodded towards the bathroom as he walked by her, giving her ass a light smack. She followed close after him, losing the blanket on the way to the bathroom where he was already brushing his teeth. He’d already slipped a pair of navy boxer briefs on and Rey walked behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing kisses to the scratches she’d left down the broad plane of his back. She smiled against his shoulder bone when she noticed the blemishes in his milky complexion from her stilettos, battle scars from the time he spent on his knees for _her_. 

In front of her, he leaned down, spitting most of his toothpaste into the sink before turning around, leaning down and pecking her lips with his still foamy mouth before chuckling. She rolled her eyes, taking his toothbrush from his hand and rinsing it off in the sink before borrowing it. They’d already swapped bodily fluids all night long, what more was sharing a toothbrush?

The odd feeling of comfortable domesticity settled across the room as she brushed her teeth. It should’ve scared her, but it didn’t. She now craved it. She knew now she’d crave _him_. This disarmingly beautiful disaster of a man that she was now staring down in the bathroom mirror as he came to stand behind her. She was still naked as he brought his hands up under her arms from behind, cupping a breast in each hand. While it should’ve felt inherently sexual, it didn’t here. She felt comforted and leaned back against him, melting into his touch as he dragged his hands down to splay her stomach. It was only then she realized he’d picked up a warm, damp washcloth and was delicately removing his dried spend from her skin. 

After she leaned forward and rinsed her mouth out, setting the toothbrush down, she turned around to face him. He reached behind her, expression not giving anything away as he looked down at her. They communicated silently. He nudged her legs apart and gently brought the warm washcloth down to the apex at the top of her thighs. He gently cleaned the area, eyes sparkling when her breath hitched when he grazed her sensitive nub. 

“Let’s sleep in front of the fire, you’re still shivering.” 

It was a statement, not a question and Rey nodded in response, her body pliant as she let him dress her. He’d grabbed a clean white undershirt and pair of looser boxer shorts for her to wear. He almost seemed embarrassed when he had to explain to Rey that he couldn’t throw her underwear in the ensuite washer because he’d apparently “torn them to shreds” in the heat of the moment. 

Almost every time his hands brushed her skin while he dressed her, she felt on fire. He had taken great care to roll the waistband of his boxers after she’d stepped into them so they wouldn’t slip right off her narrow frame. He couldn’t stop himself from teasing her nipples through the ribbed material of the undershirt she’d slipped into, but eventually, they made their way out of the bathroom. 

Rey made her way back to the heat radiating from the comforting fire, wrapping the blanket back around her shoulders as she waited for him. He emerged from the bedroom shortly, a stack of blankets and pillows tucked under one arm and their two cocktails, long forgotten by now, balanced in his other hand. She sat on her knees on the couch, observing him as he pushed the coffee table out of the way and began to set up a makeshift bed on the floor, spreading the pillows and blankets out across the floor space that was fenced in by the large, cushy suede sectional. 

When he was finally satisfied with his work, he pulled the sheets back, tapping the spot next to him. Rey crawled down from the couch, rushing to get under the covers with him. When she pressed her icy feet to the warm skin of his thigh he hissed, nearly dropping his drink as he picked it up from where it was precariously balanced on the couch. He reclined in their little nest, all but hauling Rey up to rest across his chest before handing Rey her drink, glass slick with condensation. Pushing the guilt from her mind, she raised her glass to clink it against his. 

_You cannot feel bad about this now. You absolutely cannot feel bad about this now. You’re a fucking professional, this is your insurance policy._

“Bottoms up, babes…” She sighed as they toasted, swirling the lemon wedge around in her drink before throwing it back. He mirrored her after murmuring a toast, making a show of picking up the lime wedge from his drink and sucking some juice from it right after. He set both of their glasses to the side before they settled down in the dark room, the glow from the dying fire casting shadows across the ceiling. 

Rey smiled to herself, closing her eyes and letting Kylo usher her into a little spoon position, enjoying the contact while she could. He pressed soft kisses to the top of her head and tops of her shoulders, large hand splayed across her bare stomach under her rucked up undershirt. 

_How is it possible to feel so safe in the arms of someone whose own hands have ended hundreds of thousands of lives…_

She struggled to understand how this man could be such a monster, but reason set in quickly. This wasn’t a fairytale where an eligible bachelor just swept her on the feet. She wasn't going to wait around for him to cook her breakfast in the morning. They wouldn’t be telling the PG-rated version of this story to their grandchildren in 30 years. She would never again fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat, loud and thumping in her ears as nausea rose in her stomach. She was now realizing why she’d spent so long with her walls up on the job, refusing to cross any boundaries until tonight, until she met him. She couldn’t deal with the harsh reality that loomed in her head.

_This is the end._

In about an hour or so, once he was in a deep sleep thanks to their post-coitus nightcap, she still had a job to do. She found herself quickly drifting off, tongue darting out to moisten her slightly dry lips before fully settling into his strong arms. Her brows furrowed together when she recognized the flavor of lime was still dancing across her tongue. 

_Lime mixed with melted ice. No trace of lemon at all, despite the lemon wedge that was very obviously present in the drink she just slammed._

That was the last thing that crossed Rey’s mind before she surrendered to deep, heavy sleep. 

X X X X X

“Miss? Excuse me, ma’am….”

A gentle hand on her shoulder rocked Rey awake as she groggily opened her eyes, the harsh light of London’s temperamental sun blasting through the floor the ceiling windows nearly blinded Rey. When she realized she wasn’t alone, Rey was suddenly wide awake. 

She gasped as she clutched the comforter close to her chest, incredibly aware of her debauched appearance and state. She whipped around and was met with the kind, blue eyes of a housekeeper. Her grey and blonde hair was wrapped into a neat chignon and she jumped back at Rey’s sudden revival, wrinkling the crisp lines of her expensive-looking uniform. 

“Ah, I am sorry,” her accent was thick, some kind of Eastern European was Rey’s guess. “Sorry for the interruption, but it’s, ah, past check-out time.”

Panic quickly sent chills down Rey’s spine. While she certainly wasn’t alone in the suite, she certainly was missing the company of someone _very_ important. She had slept through the entire night. She completely botched the job. She just fucked the shit out of Kylo Ren and all she got was this stupid fucking tank top. 

Rey had done a lot of dumb shit in life, but this took the cake. In her career, she’d never fucked up a job so spectacularly. She’d put her life on the line and while she was totally fine, her risk wasn’t exactly rewarded. 

_I mean he did give me two mind-blowing, earth-shattering orgasms, I’ll give him that…_

Rey quickly shook her head, snapping out of her wandering thoughts as the housekeeper left politely, muttering something about giving her time to collect her thoughts and belongings and maybe her dignity before she returned to clean the suite. When the door clicked closed behind her, Rey sprung into action, frantically rushing to her phone that was still resting on the bar. 

She only managed to get a glimpse at the time, 11:14 AM, and the fact that she had nearly 50 missed messages and notifications before her phone screen went dark. 

_Because that’s what happens when you don’t charge your phone you absolute fucking lunatic._

She mentally berated herself as she rushed around the room, frantically searching to see if he’d gone through her purse, stolen her things, hired a hitman to off her the second she stepped into the bedroom. Instead, she found everything exactly where she left it, save the gown she’d discarded haphazardly in the bedroom the night before. The gown was hanging, smoothed out and draped from a hotel-issued heavy wooden hanger, tucked inside an open garment bag. Her heels were sitting on the floor, neatly lined up along the bottom of the dress. 

_Fucking asshole_. _Real fucking polite_. 

She hurriedly grabbed her shoes and zipped up the garment bag, flinging it over her shoulder before tossing it onto the living room couch. She spotted his blazer still hanging off the back of his chair, pulling it on and buttoning it up over her oversized boxer shorts and tank top. There was no way in _hell_ she was getting back into that fucking gown. Stepping into her shoes, Rey threw her dead phone in her clutch before draping the garment bag over her arm. 

She wasn’t sure what the _fuck_ had happened, but she needed to talk to the team about it immediately. 

_Actually, what happened was you let your fucking guard down and Kylo Ren, the fucking future of First Order Solutions, figured you out and switched your drinks, you fucking idiot. You knew it the second you tasted it. You knew it was all too good to be true._

Tears began to well up in Rey’s eyes, she couldn’t turn her brain off and was still stunned by how _stupid_ she’d been. She couldn’t stand to turn around and look at the room, double-checking for any personal belongings. She couldn’t stand to be here a moment longer. As was about to practically sprint out of the room, a piece of hotel stationery on the table in the reception hall by the suite’s front door caught her eye. 

**Rey -**

**See you next time, angel.**

**\- B.**

His handwriting was perfect, Rey hated him because of it. The fucking audacity of this fucker. Too much of a fucking coward to even use his fucking name. Too ashamed of being _Kylo Ren_ to even fucking own up to it. Instead, he'd resorted to signing off as "B" based on what? Her calling him _babes_ because he was too much of a coward to hear his own name? He disgusted her. 

She shoved the note into her bag and jogged out to the elevator, mumbling silent “thank yous” to the skies as she rode down to the lobby alone. She half expected the First Order Solutions regime that’d littered the lobby last night to still be here, watching her shamefully make her exit in nothing but Kylo Ren’s tux jacket and some ridiculous heels. 

They were absent from the lobby, any trace of First Order Solutions from the night before was now gone and replaced by the usual London tourist scene. Happy families and affluent London professionals raking their eyes over Rey’s appearance, judgment evident in their expressions. She hurried out to the curb, sliding a five quid note to the bellhop with empathetic eyes who put her in the first taxi he hailed, rushing her away from the scrutinizing gaze of the guests who waited for the valet. 

“Tintern Street, Brixton,” she rambled off to the driver as she settled into the backseat of the cab, drowsiness from her rude awakening beginning to catch up with her. As they pulled away from the curb, Rey rested the side of her head against the cool glass window and let her eyes drift shut. She began to doze off and on for about ten minutes before a sudden realization hit her like a ton of bricks. 

_She’d never told him her name._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. baby, i lost my faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title/song is Flaw by Soccer Mommy x 
> 
> Hiiiiiiiii, wowwwwww, hiiiiiiiii guys! Thank you to everyone who left me encouragement on the first chapter, y'all have definitely inspired me to see this little fic baby through! As of right now, this is still going to be more of a baby fic as I have five concrete chapters mapped out PLUS an epilogue, but that could always change! 
> 
> Apologies for taking a little over a week to update, my mind got away from me as I started fully planning out where this thing is going, but I hope some y'all find it was worth the wait!
> 
> Again, I'm a very visual person so here was the little outfit/mood board I worked on for this chapter: https://urstyle.fashion/styles/2418179
> 
> Without further ado, here is another 15k of porn with plot! Hang out with me after!

Baby, I lost my faith

I kissed him on the second date

Spent the evening at his place

He filled me with a different name

I should have known that some things stain

Love and lust won't feel the same

And I choose to let it stew

Oh, I choose, choose to blame it all on you

Yeah, I choose, oh I choose to let it stew

Oh, I choose, choose to blame it all on you

'Cause I don't like the truth

That none of this was you

\--- _Flaw_ , Soccer Mommy

* * *

_Cannes,_ August 2018

The sun hung high in the air as it beat down on her exposed shoulders. She reached up, adjusting her wireless earbud as she continued to run, the cobblestone street solid beneath her feet. When she rounded the corner, she could help but smile softly at the view that greeted her. The sun reflected off the ocean, making it sparkle as the boats docked in the bustling port swayed gently in the waves. The sea breeze whipped it’s way around her as she took a deep breath in, greeted by the welcoming smell of the water.

Rey sped up the last few blocks, her temporary home now insight. The city was bustling due to the peak tourist season, but it was early enough on a weekday that the crowds weren’t too insufferable yet. By the time she made it to Boulevard de la Croisette, she had broken into a full-blown sprint, finally skidding to a stop before bending at the waist. She was out of breath as she rested her hands on her knees, cursing to herself. Checking her fitness watch, she groaned at the time being five seconds slower than her personal record.

_I’ve got to cut back on the smoking_.

Finally catching her breath, she straightened up, leaning back slightly to stretch before rounding the corner. She slipped her phone out of the zipped pocket of her leggings, changing the music before checking her notifications.

_Photos of Rose and Finn enjoying their time-off touring the Amalfi Coast. NYTimes alerts and blurbs she’d registered for about new foreign affairs legislation. Texts from Connix wondering where she was. An e-mail from Holdo about the assignment they’d just wrapped up._

When she finally made it to her regular local coffee spot, she paused outside before stepping in, taking a seat on the wooden bench out front so she could quickly read the brief.

To My Beloved Fighters,

Happy International Relaxation Day! Google it, August 15th, it’s a real thing. I hope your well-earned breaks are treating you all well. Astounding work on this last effort team, truly. I know 8 weeks in the field always takes a toll, even when spent in the French Riviera, so take this time off to reset before we start pounding the pavement again. I’m waiting on some intel, but I expect to see you all back on August 26th, the 12th anniversary of Pluto being demoted, to get back to work.

May the Force be with you, always in all ways.

Best,

Adm. A.H.

Rey couldn’t help the smile that stretched across her face as she re-read the email. She missed Holdo, she really did, and mentally reading the silly little asides in her voice only made her even more eager to get back to London. She missed everyone who had stayed back at base, and even missed Rose and Finn already, even though they’d only left Cannes a week ago.

Holdo was right though, they deserved this break. After spending the past 8 weeks undercover infiltrating the Hutt Cartel as Ophelia King, Danish heiress, Rey was so ready to just be Rey again for a few more weeks before getting back in the field. Holdo was also right about them needing this win. She didn’t explicitly say it, but Rey could read between the lines. Holdo knew how much _Rey_ needed this win, considering it was her first time back in the field since what Kaydel referred to as “Kylogate”.

She shook her head before she could begin to dwell too deeply on _that_ , pulling herself together before stepping into the cool coffee shop, the small chime on the door alerting the barista of her entrance.

“Ah, my Opie,” Henrí, the shop’s main barista and something of a fling of Rey’s greeted her from behind the counter. He leaned over the counter and gave Rey a quick peck on the cheek, not caring about her skin being flushed and damp from her training run. She gave him a soft, wistful smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes as she popped an earbud out. Behind the counter, Henrí had already begun to work on her oat milk latte.

“Bonjour, Henrí. Ça va?”

“Ça va bien,” he flashed her a pearly white smile over his shoulder as he worked on steaming the milk. “I have not seen you out and about town the past few nights, are you too busy preparing for your departure back to school?” His English was fairly good for someone who’d never left the south of France.

The thick French accent that coated his words is what initially drew Rey in when they’d met at the beach club her first week here. He wasn’t much taller than Rey, with a lean and muscular figure and a tanned, olive-based complexion that Rey had watched grow deeper over the summer. The rest of his features were fair, with pale green eyes shaded by thick lashes and curly dirty blonde hair that had also been changed by the hot summer sun. He believed that Rey, or rather Ophelia, was a high born society girl who was simply summering in France with some of her father’s colleagues before heading back to grad school.

He was good for Rey because he didn’t ask too many questions. He was good because he wasn’t a challenge or any kind of liability. He was good because he was different from what Rey had sought before.

_He was good because he was so different from him_.

The sound of the hissing espresso machine pulled Rey back to the present. She left a bill and exact change on the counter as Henrí slid her drink across the faux marble surface. It was only then that Rey had realized she’d left his question hanging in the air.

“Ah, erm, oui. Je pars samedi, je suis désolée.”

Henrí quickly shook his head. He understood. Rey had been very clear about their boundaries from the beginning. They knew this nauseating Grease-esque fling had an expiration date. Rey just needed to blow off some steam. She gave him a polite nod before popping the lid on her drink, muttering polite goodbyes as she head outside and into the rapidly growing throng of people walking along the water.

She took a sip before popping her earbud back in, making her way back to what she and Connix had dubbed “The Love Boat”. Holdo apparently took work-life balance _very_ seriously and so graciously dropped to the team that after authorities and Resistance agents were finished cataloging and searching everything, the Hutt’s precious luxury yacht would be sitting untouched, technically in their possession. Rey couldn’t have grumbled something along the lines of “say less” out faster, and she decided to stay behind with Kaydel for a week while the rest of the team went elsewhere. Who in their right mind could turn down an empty multi-million dollar yacht with a fully stocked bar in the French Riviera?

She smiled and waved at some of the locals and dock workers she’d come to befriend in her time here, making her way to _Nal Hutta_ , the property of the Resistance until international law enforcement could figure out what to do with it. She stepped on board and immediately head down to the cabins, most of them now unoccupied. Kaydel’s text said she’d gone off to the farmer’s market and would be back relatively soon if she wasn’t too tempted by the designer shop windows.

When she got to her room, she stripped off her sweaty, skin-tight workout leggings, struggling as the material clung to her skin. After finally freeing herself from the spandex situation, she unclipped her short, dark hair before shaking it out, running her fingers through the recently trimmed locks. She thought momentarily about taking a shower but opted to go for the _naturelle_ approach, grabbing the clean bikini that was hanging out to dry on her balcony. Rey slipped the black, skimpy high cut bikini on before grabbing her coffee and book and heading back out to the main deck.

Setting her book and coffee down next to a chaise, Rey took a moment to take in the vast sea in front of her. The sun's rays were intensified by the water calmly lapping at the boats docked in the port, and all the yachts anchored off the coast. Making her way down to the lower deck, Rey smiled to herself before gracefully diving in.

_God, I love my job._

She dove back under the smooth surface of the briny water, keeping her eyes gently shut as she came back up and slicked her hair back. She tread water for a while, reveling in how the cool sea felt rushing around her body after her run and floated up onto her back. A smile crossed her face as that one song lyrics about _feeling like an ocean being warmed by the sun_ came to mind and she allowed the water to carry her around the back of the boat.

After lazing about for what felt like hours, Rey finally found the strength to leave the comfort of the sun and head back underwater to cool herself off. She slowly paddled over to the ladder attached to the rear end of the boat, carefully securing her footing before hoisting herself back on board. She left a trail of saltwater in her wake, making her way back up to the top deck before polishing off the dregs of her now lukewarm latte.

Rolling her neck as she spread a clean towel over the unoccupied lounger, Rey let out a contented sigh when she flopped down, fully reclining to bask in the heat of the summer sun. She grabbed the worn paperback book she’d brought out with her and slipped her sunglasses on, getting lost in the yellowing pages. The briny water began to evaporate from her drying skin as she read, the breeze helping her cool off. Tabbing the page she was working on, she set the book on her stomach and closed her eyes, letting the sound of the waves lull her to sleep as exhaustion from her active morning began to set in.

* * *

“Opie, my little ray of sunshine, rise, and shiiiiiiiine.”

Rey slowly blinked her eyes open, her now askew sunglasses exposing her to the harsh rays of the low hanging afternoon sun. She brought her hand up to fix her glasses as she sat up, met with the site of Kaydel sitting at the foot of her lounger with a huge grin on her face.

“Jesus dude, how long have you been out? Did you not get any of my calls?”

Rey groaned as she stretched, slightly sticky from the dried saltwater on her skin as she rubbed her eyes.

“I’m not sure, what time is it now? I think I passed out around 11,” she looked around the immediate area for her phone before shrugging, “No I didn’t, I think I left my phone inside. You find something at the market for dinner then?”

Kaydel gave Rey a hysterically wolfish smile and leaned in, lowering her voice to a hushed whisper, “I found some _one_ I think I may have for dinner.” She immediately started cackling as Rey went slack-jawed.

“You are an absolute menace to society, Connix!” Rey cleared her throat, quickly scanning around them after she realized her mistake, “Uhm, Connie. How many more hearts are you going to break in this province before we head home?”

Kaydel smirked, eyes fluttering about as if she was trying hard to remember something, “I mean we’ve got to be well into the double-digits by now, Connie has been on a roll….”

Rey gasped, lightly socking her arm as she laughed, “Jesus, and I thought this fluke with Henrí was scandalous. It’s very difficult sleeping around with a dignified name like Ophelia, an Ophelia has rigorous _standards_ you know.”

“Well...about that…” Kaydel’s brows shot up like they did when she was about to break some new development to Rey, “my catch of the day is at the inside bar making us some spritzes right now, and he has a friend who's on his way over…”

“Are you fucking kidding me, you fucking bitch?” Rey teasingly hissed through her teeth, her tone light enough for Kaydel to know she wasn’t actually all that mad about it.

Just because this friend was coming didn’t mean Rey was under any real obligation to hook-up with him. Rey was perfectly content with spending the rest of the day and maybe the night being nothing short of an _impeccable wing woman_. If that involved distracting a possible cockblocker, then so be it.

“I mean if he’s anything like _Oscar_ , you might not be into him but hey maybe you’ll hit it off,” she stood up, blowing a kiss to Rey, “I’m gonna head down there to make sure he doesn’t explore too much, get yourself together woman!”

Rey smiled, pretending to catch the kiss and press it to her cheek as she nodded, “Yeah, yeah, give me some time to get going. No garnish in my spritz, please.”

She reclined back in the chair, stretching out completely like a cat lazing in the sunny spot of a back garden. Her eyelids were still a bit heavy as she let them fall shut, wanting to bask in this feeling for a while longer before having to put her proverbial mask back on. Just as she was dozing off again, the comforting sting of the sun against her eyes quickly vanished. She no longer felt the warm rays deepening her already fairly impressive tan. Rey very quickly became aware that someone was standing over her, blocking out the sun.

_Jesus, Connix is more effective than a fucking umbrella._

When her eyes slowly fluttered open to greet her, she was met with what had to be some kind of mirage. She must’ve been in the sun way too long, she must have some kind of sun poisoning because standing at the foot of her lounge chair was a dark figure, a very Kylo Ren shaped dark figure. A very Kylo Ren shaped figure that was now stepping closer to her. As the figure moved, the sun shifted behind them, the light now illuminating their features.

_Yep, definitely coming down with something._

There was no other explanation for the sight in front of her. Imaginary Kylo Ren stood looking down at her, dressed in a black loose-fitting, short-sleeve button-down and matching slim-fit slacks. He reached up and adjusted the dark sunglasses perched on his distinct nose, then crossing his arms as his eyes seemed to scan her. Before she could blink to make the figment of her imagination vanish, it spoke.

“I just hope that one day - preferably when we’re both blind drunk - we can talk about it.”

Apparently, Rey hadn’t done a very good job of mentally shutting to the door to everything Kylo Ren related, because his voice rang out clear as day and she could’ve sworn she was seeing ghosts. It took about fifteen seconds of the figure not moving, just letting their words hang in the air, for Rey to finally realize this was _not_ an illusion. A cold shiver rolled down her spine as she abruptly sat up.

“What the-”

A _very real_ Kylo Ren calmly nodded towards the long-forgotten paperback book Rey had been nose deep in earlier.

“Salinger. Franny and Zooey. Great choice.” His voice was level, calm as he spoke. His tone was so matter of fact, as if they were just talking about what their book club’s September selection should be.

It took less than fifteen seconds for sheer panic to set in. She quickly jumped up, now toe to toe with his imposing figure. She turned to shout for Kaydel and his hand snapped out, grabbing her wrist, his grip effectively silencing her as she whipped back around to face him, fire in her eyes.

“You’ll never get away with this.”

An all too familiar expression of amusement fell over his face, now he was _beaming_ at her and she didn’t have the restraint to stop her eyes from flickering to the gaps between his teeth.

“Get away with what? Enjoying a lovely summer afternoon cocktail with an old friend? If that’s truly an offense then lock me up and throw away the key.”

She jerked her wrist free of his grasp, fully turning to face him again. Her eyes did another quick scan of him, now aware that he was _actually_ here, and she couldn’t make out the discernible shape of any weapon or threat as the breeze caused his clothes to flutter against his frame, emphasizing the hard lines of his body. Knots in her stomach, Rey had no idea how to feel or what to say, no idea how to summarize how she was feeling. Everything that came to mind was wild and irrational, so she just said the first wild and irrational thing that came to mind instead.

“Why am I alive?”

It was a thought that had kept her up at night for half a year now. It plagued her mind from the first night without him. When Rey made it to the office that morning, still in practically nothing under his jacket, she was in a state. The team was waiting there for her after realizing her phone had gone dark and she had to pause to throw up multiple times as she recounted the night to them. She’d left out the more _intimate_ details and turned over everything else that she’d had. She wasn’t alone in being shocked at her survival. In the past, the First Order Solutions executives the Resistance had brushed shoulders with had been nothing less than ruthless. They wouldn’t think twice about calmly slitting the throat of someone who just _looked_ at them wrong.

He had every opportunity to wipe Rey’s existence from the face of the earth. He could’ve had her quietly whisked away in the middle of the gala, he could’ve made Poe make it look like an accident, hell he could’ve thrown her off that fucking balcony. He’d been well-aware of who Rey was, and the fact that he was her mark, so why hadn’t he put an end to it? Why hadn’t he put an end to _her_?

From behind them, Rey could hear two steps of approaching footsteps. Kylo leaned down, pushing his sunglasses up into his hair and holding them there as they locked eyes. His silky voice that had plagued her fantasies for the past six months was now a hushed whisper.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

The tension between them was snapped as Kaydel called out to them from the upper deck. Kylo slid his sunglasses back on and looked up, expression now unreadable. Rey turned around quickly and tried to ignore the way her backside grazed against Kylo as she miscalculated her turn, she hadn’t realized until now how close they had been standing.

“Opie! Spritz time! Bring in your new friend who-” Rey watched as Kaydel leaned over the upper deck railing to get a better look at Rey’s _new friend_ , slipping off her gold-framed sunglasses.

Kaydel was an aesthetic summer in Cannes personified. Her long hair fell in beachy waves down her back, strands that had been lightened by the sun whipped around her face in the breeze. Her look wasn’t simple by any means, but in a sheer white linen midi skirt and a black strapless bikini top, she was unrefined, effortless elegance in one neat little package. Rey had thought all of this about Kaydel for as long as they’d known each other. It was all apart of what Kaydel called her “blase on the outside, blessed on the inside” exterior, and Rey knew better than anyone when there was a chink in that exterior. She saw something flicker in her eyes, even from the lower deck Rey could tell that she _recognized_ who their second guest was. She knew Kylo didn’t know that though.

“-who is _so_ handsome!” Kaydel finished her sentence without missing a beat.

It was at that moment that _Oscar_ decided to join the conversation. Rey knew before her eyes even properly focused who was approaching the upper deck railing, but she still couldn’t help but feel a bit nauseous at the sight of _Poe Dameron_ sidling up next to Kaydel. He looked much more relaxed than he was the last time Rey saw him, now dressed in a short-sleeve white linen button-down and matching shorts, white smile bright and shiny against his tanned skin. He snaked an arm around Kaydel’s waist, Rey could see that she wasn’t as relaxed as she was a minute ago, before she realized _what_ she’d managed to get them into with today’s catch of the day. Regardless, she politely smiled at the two of them and leaned into his touch, the duo turning around to presumably wait for them at the upper deck bar.

“C’mon then _Opie,_ ” Kylo’s voice was dripping with sarcasm, “it’s rude to keep our friends waiting.”

Through the lenses of his dark-tinted sunglasses, she could see his eyes beginning to make their way down her body, hesitating when they reached her chest. Rey hadn’t had the presence of mind to be self-conscious about her state until now, and she was now _very_ aware that the hardened peaks of her nipples were _very_ visible through her flimsy black bikini. She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest quickly, suddenly feeling very modest.

“Oh, you’re no fun,” she could feel a scowl involuntarily spreading over her face when he spoke, now teasingly pouting at her. “I’m not sure why you’re so surprised to see me, angel. After all, I did tell you I’d see you next time…”

He trailed off, a mocking “I told you so” tone was evident in his voice and that just _set her off._

Red was all she could see. It clouded her vision as she essentially snarled at the man. She was almost positive steam was coming out of her ears as she reached forward, jabbing a finger against his _fucking solid_ chest.

“You knew who I was the second you fucking saw me that night, and you took advantage of me. You drugged me, you fucking egomaniacal swine, and I don’t know what the fuck you had to gain from taking me home that night, but I almost wish you’d just slit my throat instead like a _normal_ sociopathic monster.”

The expression of amusement was gone from his face. His right eye involuntarily twitched, his scar flexing with the movement. Rey wasn’t short by any means, but when he got this dark look in his eyes she felt like she shrunk half her size under his scrutiny. She refused to back down.

“You heard me, Kylo Ren. You _are_ a monster.”

She expected him to finally lash out, give her the violent response she had always expected from him. She expected him to assert control over her, trying to interrogate her about the Resistance. She expected him to just go for it and slit her throat _now._

“Yes, I am.”

He sneered at her with his reply before continuing, his voice level and chillingly calm, “I may be a monster but so are you. _You_ knew who I was the second you saw me that night. _You_ tried to take advantage of me. _You_ tried to drug me. You think you’re so fucking justified in what you do and you see yourself as the “good guy” here. The people I know do what they do for power. They do it for the money and they do it for control. At the end of the day, what’s a bit of spilled blood for the greater good?”

She’d heard enough. She turned to head upstairs and check to make sure Poe hadn’t slit her friend’s throat when he grabbed her arm, pulling her to his chest. Her nearly bare back was sticky with saltwater against the expensive feeling material of his shirt. She couldn’t ignore the goosebumps that razed her arms where their bare skin met, the intoxicating smell of smoke, musk and some kind of coconut-scented sunscreen overwhelming her.

“No, you don’t get to run away, now you _listen_ .” She went rigid against him, she couldn’t pull herself out of his orbit even if she tried to, “You and the people you know, you do what you do for power. You do it for control. Do you even think about the blood that _you_ have spilled for the very same greater good? Do you want to know how I knew who you were? A mutual friend. Turns out we both seem to favor the same ammunition supplier. We’re cut from the same cloth, I can see it in you, I can see the darkness in you. The only difference between us is that you don’t get paid and that doesn’t make you noble, it just makes you stupid.”

His breath was hot against the shell of her ear, the rest of his words coming out through gritted teeth, “I _fucked you_ not because I could, but because I _wanted_ to and I could see in your eyes that you _needed_ it. I know who you are, angel. I may be a monster, but you’re so much worse. You’re a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”

Her arm went limp against her side when he finally released her from his grip. He moved from behind her, wordlessly walking towards the steps to the upper deck. Rey blinked back tears as she watched the planes in his back as he retreated, his words rendering her immobile. Her feet began moving to follow him upstairs before her mind could catch up with them.

By the time she caught up with him, he was sat with one ankle crossed over the opposite knee, arms spread out behind him along the back of the plush, built-in sectional of the upstairs outdoor bar as he reclined. Kaydel and Poe sat across from him, legs flush against each other as Kaydel fluttered her lashes at Rey to communicate _we’ll talk about it later._ Rey took a seat on the same side as Kylo, careful to keep her distance as she tried to get her head back on straight.

Poe cleared his throat and Rey’s eyes flitted over to him as she managed to compose herself. Poe raised his glass, the light peach drink glistening in the sun, and smiled softly at Kaydel. Rey and Kylo both reached forward to pick up their glasses from the deck table, mirroring each other's movements as they raised their glasses to toast with the couple sat across from them.

“To being adults about this.”

They all murmured various cheers as the four of them clinked their glasses together before all taking large swigs of their drinks. A calm silence fell over the foursome as the sun dropped lower in the sky, the impending sunset ushering in a breeze that reminded Rey that she was still in her bikini. The fact that Rey couldn’t take her eyes off of Kylo’s sharp profile meant absolutely nothing.

_Absolutely nothing at all._

* * *

_We’re meeting them in three hours at a fucking disco bar._

The thought looped through Rey’s mind as after a couple of hours of talking, the two men were finally walking down the dock, back towards their own ship. Rey was pretty sure she was mentally blacked out for most of the peace talks, but they had somehow brokered something that vaguely resembled a truth. It was evident that while she and Kylo were still down below, Kaydel and Poe had some conversation that ended with the two of them deciding that allegiances aside, nothing was wrong with _a little holiday fun._

She and Kylo didn’t speak directly to each other through the entire conversation, instead just politely agreeing with their respective friends. When the duo was finally out of sight, she turned to face Kaydel, who greeted her with a shaky smile.

“I mean that could’ve gone much worse.”

Rey snorted in response, expression incredulous as she raised her brows at Kaydel, beginning to head down below so she could finally shower. She heard soft footsteps following her but didn’t glance over her shoulder to look at her again until she was nearly to her suite.

“You know I’ve always maintained that you’re an insatiable horndog Connix, but the way you’re eating up this shit Poe, oh _sorry_ , this shit _Oscar_ is spoon-feeding you is comical.”

“I mean, what the fuck dude, you’re the one who is _rattled_ right now by the fact that you still want to fuck a war criminal! Why can’t I have some fun with his little henchman? Not every on the job liaison has to end with whatever existential crisis that man has driven you to!”

Even if she had a valid come back of some kind, she didn’t have the strength to fight her right now, she just needed to get out of this fucking swimsuit. She shut the door of her suite behind her and padded to the ensuite, starting the hot waterfall shower and rushing to peel the now stiff fabric from her body. The smell of lavender-infused water filled her noses and she took a deep breath in, leaning on her hands against the vanity and catching her reflection in the mirror.

_A wolf in sheep’s clothing. You’re a wolf in sheep’s clothing. A fucking fallen angel._

His words poked and prodded at something deep inside of her, something she hadn’t felt in years. He was right, there had always been something _dark_ about her. She’d always blamed it on a rough upbringing, abandoned at a South London firehouse as a child, busking and pickpocketing and scavenging to survive. Maybe it ran deeper than that, though. Maybe she had some kind of fucked up genetic disposition that put this darkness inside her.

_No. He’s fucking wrong. We are the good guys, they are the bad guys. They’re fucking tyrants._

She quickly rubbed her eyes, not realizing she had started to cry before stepping into the steaming shower. The water was so hot it scalded her tanned skin, left sensitive after falling asleep in the sun. She stepped directly under the strongest nozzle in the shower, clamping her eyes shut as she let the hot water hit her face, turning so she could wash her hair.

As she carried on with her routine, she began to re-analyze what had just happened, thinking about the weird pseudo-agreement they’d formed. They’d all agreed that no one was going to _kill, drug, or kidnap_ anyone to start things off, and while they wouldn’t be talking about “trivial work things” as Kylo himself had put it, they would be using their aliases. They were just strangers passing through Cannes, all on their respected vacations, cashing in their hard-earned PTO.

_We’re going to meet up with Kylo Ren and Poe Dameron at a French disco bar and never speak about it again. How the fuck did we get here?_

When her fingertips began to go pruney, Rey finally switched the shower off, stepping onto the heated floor tiles and wrapping herself up in a fluffy towel. Twisting her hair in a small towel turban, she wiped the steam from the mirrors before slipping into one of the ship’s custom embroidered robes, the insignia of the Hutt’s splayed across the back panel of the garment. She wandered out of her suite towards Kaydel’s, then moving on to check the lower deck patio when she found her room empty. She was sat on a lounge chair, wearing a matching robe and sipping on a glass of white wine, the face-framing pieces of her hair set in rollers.

“We can’t tell a single soul. Absolutely no one, not the team, not Holdo, not Rose, not Finn…” Rey let her words trail off as she sat opposite to Kaydel, pulling a cigarette from the pack she’d abandoned out there earlier. “This has absolutely nothing to do with why we are here, why they are here, what we do, what they do, we are all _off the clock_.”  
  


She tried not to let a bitter tone coat the last few words. She felt like the world’s biggest piece of shit because she was the last person who should ever be “off the clock”. Just earlier in the day she’d felt complete again following Holdo’s words of praise and encouragement after her first stint back in the field after the last time she’d dealt with Kylo. Now, she felt something missing deep inside again. She wasn’t seeking approval from her comrades right now, she felt a twisted need to get it from _him_ now. He’d seemed disgusted with her when he left her on the lower deck of the ship earlier, and she needed to show him how wrong he was about her.

Kaydel nodded in response, finally meeting Rey’s eyes as she took a sip of her wine.

“I truly am not even sure what the hell _Oscar’s_ role entails, but I’m still ready to swim with the sharks if you are. Maybe this could end up being a break, who knows what could come from this.”

Rey raised the lit cigarette between her fingers to mock toast Kaydel’s glass, agreeing with her. Maybe this could end up being a break for the Resistance, maybe this could end up being what will later be considered a pivotal event in the lead-up to World War III. Who were they to second-guess fate though? Rey wasn’t sure she believed what Kylo had said earlier, that this meeting was a total coincidence and it _must be fate_.

Poe had backed him up, saying they had just finished up at a political forum in Antibes and came to dock the boat in Cannes before heading off to Monaco. When they’d arrived at the port and heard from a contact that there was a Hutt yacht docked here with not a Hutt in sight, but instead a dark-haired _British girl_ , Kylo was able to put the pieces together fairly quickly.

After a few beats of silence, Kaydel spoke again.

“Maybe this is the universe rewarding you for tolerating very mediocre sex with Henrí the past two months…” She trailed off in giggles, sipping her wine and ducking to the left with a yelp when Rey tried to smack her with a pillow.

Rey couldn’t help it, her whole face scrunched up when she laughed, as if she was trying so, so hard but failing to reign it in. They had each others backs going into this, they were going to be okay. When she finally managed to catch her breath she sighed, now feeling oddly content with where the night was going.

“Now, _Connie_ , let the record reflect that I am absolutely _not_ going to sleep with Kylo Ren tonight, I am simply an accessory to your greater sins this evening. You now owe a debt to me, and the first task on your road to repayment is you are going to help me look fan-fucking-tastic tonight.”

They both stood, Rey stamping out her smoke in the ashtray before linking arms with Kaydel, walking back inside in stride with her.

_I should get a fucking Medal of Freedom in Friendship for this shit._

* * *

It was half-past ten when they arrived at disco night at Morrison’s Lounge, a bar that had become something of a regular haunt for Rey and the team while they were here, or rather a regular haunt for Ophelia and company. Rey nervously tugged the hem of the white linen corset top Kaydel had loaned her, suddenly feeling self-conscious about the tan exposed skin of her stomach in the crop top and high-rise jeans. Kaydel smacked her hands with her free right arm.

“Knock it off, you look so fucking hot dude.”

Rey ran her tongue over her teeth, just in case any of her matte red lipstick had smudged. She’d twisted the lop layer of her hair up into a messy little bun and smoothed out the rest of her hair, her make-up was all naturally bronzed skin dusted with freckles aside from her pure red lips. She wore one of her comfier pairs of sandals and was now nervously fidgeting with the bag she’d also borrowed from Kaydel instead. When her eyes finally found them outside the bar, her stomach flipped.

He was in the same dark button-down and slacks he’d been wearing earlier today and had a pair of clean, expensive-looking white sneakers on. It still was a shock to Rey to see him look so _normal._ Her eyes focused on the outline of his plush lips as he brought an American Spirit to his mouth, listening to Poe ramble about something as he nodded along, a small smile occasionally breaking his stoic features. When he finally turned, after being nudged by Poe, their eyes met with the same urgency they had six months ago.

_Desire._

Rey recognized it, gulping as they took the last few steps to them, arms still linked.

Kylo dropped his cigarette, stubbing it out with the toe of his shoe as Poe gestured towards the door.

“Shall we?”

When the four of them stepped inside, they were greeted by flashing lights, deep pounding bass, and a very crowded and very drunk crowded bar. They silently formed a single file chain, navigating their way to the bar and waiting until there was a big enough gap for Rey and Kaydel to sidle up to it. Rey held up four fingers, signaling for shots before placing the rest of their drink order. She was going to need all the liquid courage she could get.

Poe grinned when they turned around, holding the tequila shots with their backs now pressed against the bar. They passed them out, all of them raising the overflowing glasses in the air for yet another toast.

“À votre santé.” Kylo scanned the circle, locking eyes with the others before they landed on Rey as he called out the toast.

_To your health._

“À votre santé,” they all parroted back in unison before slamming the shots, all cringing when the alcohol hit their throats.

Rey felt her mouth begin to water as she scrunched her nose up, reaching back to take a quick sip of her gin and tonic as the rest of the group sunk their teeth into limes. A sense of deja vu plagued her as she thought back to the last memory she had of him before today, when he’d brought that lime to his lips as he said goodnight to Rey, knowing what was in store from her.

The rest of the group reached around her to grab their drinks off the counter, Poe and Kaydel then splitting off to one side to engage in a more private conversation amidst the loud bar. Her and Kylo were left to themselves, now just staring at each other in an increasingly awkward silence, their moods out of place in the jovial crowd. There was a crowded dance floor on the other side of the venue, drunk tourists and locals all mingling and shouting along to the DJ’s curated playlist of French pop music mixed with disco.

It was Kylo who broke the silence after five songs or so.

“You changed your hair.”

Rey quickly reached up, self-consciously pulling at the free ends of her darker hair that now barely hit the tops of her shoulders. He looked like he quickly regretted his words, reaching up to stop her hand. When their fingers tangled, it felt like electricity triggered something that had remained dormant between them until now.

“No, stop. I mean, I like it.”

“Oh, thank you…” Rey let her words trail off as she smiled softly at him, blocking out Poe and Kaydel who were getting on like a house on fire beside her.

She was grateful for the interruption when a familiar face approached them. She smiled softly at the kind, green eyes and dimples that were making their way over. He was wearing a snug fit white henley and casual grey slacks when he leaned in, politely greeting her with a peck on her cheek.

_Henrí._

“Opie, what a pleasant surprise.”

She smiled as she gave him a soft kiss in return, muttering a quick hello as she took in Kylo’s face. He was more unreadable than ever, guarded as he steeled his features and took a sip of his stiff drink. Rey smiled as she watched him squirm, deciding to turn it up a notch.

“Henrí, this is Kylo, an _old friend_.” She nodded towards Kylo and he narrowed his eyes at her in response before reaching forward to harshly grip Henrí’s now extended hand. “Kylo, this is Henrí…”

“Any friend of Opie’s is a friend of mine,” Henrí politely said to Kylo, trying his best to look unaffected by his ironclad grip.

“Likewise, I am nothing but trusting of _Opie’s_ judge of character.”

It was his turn to smirk as her alias rolled off his tongue with a twinge of contempt.

“I hope you won’t mind then if I steal her away for a few songs? I’m sure you know she is quite good with her movements.” Henrí’s unintended innuendo caused by his muddled English didn’t escape Rey as she felt a blush creep up her cheeks.

Kylo’s brows shot up, now he looked diabolical.

“Oh, she’s excellent with her movements-”

“Alright, alright, let’s go, Henrí.” She cut him off as she stood from her barstool, resting a hand on Henrí’s arm as she nudged him away from their conversation. Kylo’s scarred brow twitched as they walked away, he moved to take a seat on the now unoccupied stool with his back to the bar and she and Henrí made their way into the fog of war.

A catchy electronic beat flooded through the speakers as Henrí gave her a little twirl. She smiled as slipped her purse on across her body, spinning so her back was pressed against Henri as they began to move to the music. She pressed her back flush against his chest, eyes shut as she let the rhythm carry her. Henrí was right, while she had many faults she was an _astounding_ dancer. She tried to replace the memory of the feeling of Kylo standing behind her in the same position only hours earlier, tried to replace it with the feeling of Henrí close behind her, his breath hot on her bare neck.

He lacked the presence of Kylo. He smelled like freshly ground espresso and the sea, and while it was a familiar smell that Rey had grown to find comfort in, it didn’t make her senses sing quite the same way as he had earlier. Her eyes shifted over to look at him across the room at the bar. His gaze was still fixed on her, free hand clenched in his lap with white knuckles. It was too much for her. She shifted her attention back to the safe, sweet man, who was moving so carefully against her, as if he was afraid of offending her.

She turned around quickly, now face to face with him as she slung an arm around his neck and moved in time with the beat against him. He grinned, picking up his pace as he rest a hand on the exposed portion of her back.

They danced like that more a while, a light sheen of sweat starting to illuminate their skin from their movements and the heat radiating off the crowd surrounding them. When a familiar beat started to fade in, Rey whipped around, eyes searching for Kaydel.

At the sound of ABBA fading in, Kaydel quickly turned away from her conversation at the bar with Poe and did the same thing, twin smiles gracing their features as the lyrics began.

_“I don’t want to talk, about things we’ve gone through…”_

She couldn’t help but laugh at Poe’s expression as Kaydel pried him away from the security and safety of the crowd around the bar, dragging him out to the middle of the dancefloor to meet Rey. She was near giddy, all her fears suddenly pushed to the side as she wrapped her hands around Kaydel. A buzz was beginning to work its way through her blood, the tequila shot mingling with the drinks she nursed while getting ready and she felt like she was floating as they near screamed the words at each other.

When Kaydel stepped back during the chorus to focus on moving her body against Poe’s, Rey smiled as she twirled around to see what Kylo had to think of this spectacle. Her brows knit together, puzzled when she couldn’t find him where he was just sitting, she couldn’t pick his hulking frame out of the frantic crowd.

When Henrí tugged at her belt loop to get her attention, she politely smiled at him, finishing her drink and getting back into rhythm as the song ended, the lyrics running through her clouded head.

_I don't want to talk_

_If it makes you feel sad_

_And I understand_

_You've come to shake my hand_

_I apologize_

_If it makes you feel bad_

_Seeing me so tense_

_No self-confidence_

_But you see_

_The winner takes it all_

_The winner takes it all_

_So the winner takes it all_

_And the loser has to fall_

_Throw a dice, cold as ice_

_Way down here, someone dear_

_Takes it all, has to fall_

_It seems plain to me_

As the DJ transitioned into a more upbeat, modern pop song, Rey politely moved out of Henrí’s arms, holding up a finger to him as she leaned in to speak into his ear over the music.

“I’ll be right back, going to step out for some air.”

Henrí nodded, kissing her cheek as he moved out of her way. She led with her shoulder, making her way to the toilets at the back of the bar and falling into line with the other waiting patrons. When it was finally her turn, she stepped into the unisex bathroom and locked the heavy wooden door behind her, immediately turning on the cold water tap as she tried to gather her thoughts.

She wet a paper towel, scrunching it up before gently beginning to dab the layer of sweat from her neck and hairline. Taking off her purse and setting it on the counter, she rifled through it, looking for the red lipstick she’d brought along. Leaning closer to the dingy mirror to get a better look at what she was doing, she began to carefully touch up her ruby red lips.

When a knock at the door distracted her, she cursed to herself underneath her breath as her hands faltered. She was now left irritated with a slightly smudged application as she picked up the damp paper towel to try to salvage the mistake. When she went back in with the lipstick, the waiting party was now _banging_ on the door. Fixing her appearance before tossing the lipstick back in her purse, she turned to poke her head out of the door and tell the offending party to _piss off_ in more eloquent terms. Cracking open the door, she was expecting to be met with some drunk asshole tourists who didn’t understand how bathrooms _worked_.

Instead, she was quickly pushed back, lower back smacking into the sink as a very tense Kylo Ren crowded her, moving to lock the door behind him as he forced his way in. Before she could react, he bent down, lips capturing hers in a searing kiss as both his hands cradled her face, making it so she couldn’t immediately turn away. Her clenched fists unfurled, arms following to her side as her eyes fell shut, lost in the sensation.

His smell assaulted her senses and she was pulled back into his orbit before she could think twice about it, before she could stop and think about the consequences of her actions. She reciprocated the kiss, finally bringing her arms up and wrapping them around his neck as he slipped his tongue against hers. The moan that escaped her lips fed his hunger, one hand dropping to savor the exposed skin of her waist as the hem of her shirt rucked up.

The heavy wooden door drowned out the atmosphere of the bar, the thumping bass now a dull drone in her ears that served as background music as her mind went a million miles a minute. She nipped at his bottom lip and warmth began to swirl in her lower stomach when she was rewarded with a needy groan. When he finally pulled back, now panting, her freshly re-applied lipstick was smudged on his kiss swollen lips. He quickly used the hand planted on her waist to spin her around, and she whimpered at the sight of him behind her in the mirror.

He let his hands greedily roam her body and all she could do was watch as he mouthed at her bare shoulder, leaving a sheen of spit in his wake as he pressed lazy kisses to the back of her neck. When he finally made his way to the shell of her ear, his voice was low and slow like honey.

“But tell me does he kiss, like I used to kiss you?”

His words echoed the song that she’d just been fiercely belting out the lyrics too.

_He’s fucking jealous._

Rey did an internal victory dance at the revelation, tonight’s mission sufficiently accomplished. When his hands slid down her front, first giving her breasts a firm squeeze through the linen material of her top, they stopped at the top of her jeans, working quickly to undo them. She was about to lecture him, she was about to let him know that he had no right to be jealous of what Rey did with her own free time, but the words got caught in her throat as he slid a hand down the front of her jeans, fingers seeking the heat that radiated from the apex of her thighs.

Her head dropped back, falling against his chest as he brought the hand that wasn’t beginning to tease her clit to her top, tugging it down so her breasts were freed. She knew he was staring at them in the mirror when his movements halted for a second, she knew he was taken aback by the sight of them, debauched as he worked her over in the public bathroom. The movements of her hips were calculated as she ground back against him, desperately seeking the press of him against her through the now suffocating denim. His large hand twisted within the strict confines of her jeans before he finally curled two fingers, plunging them into her as the denim slipped further down her frame, she let out a sigh of relief, beginning to fuck herself back onto them.

“Open your eyes, look at us, I told you we’re cut from the same cloth, angel, and that’s why you look so divine taking my fingers. Can feel how hungry you are for them, was he able to take you apart so easily like this?”

Envy seeped out of him, his words whispered as their eyes met in the mirror. Kaydel hadn’t been lying earlier when she said things with Henrí were mediocre at best. Then again, Rey wasn’t sure she’d ever submitted herself so willingly to someone the way she was currently submitting to him, allowing herself to bask in the all-consuming waves of pleasure that crashed over her when he curled his thick fingers against the soft, sensitive bit of flesh inside of her.

_Nothing wrong with mediocre. Mediocrity was safe and secure, but god does it pale in comparison to this._

She whined when she turned her head to the side, lips seeking him to distract herself from her thoughts. He obliged, leaning down to swallow her moans as the heel of his hand ground against her clit. The hand that had tugged her top down was now cupping her tit, his thumb and forefinger pinching the stiff rosy peak as it rolled between his fingers. She didn’t need to think right now, she just needed to feel.

She continued to move her hips against his fingers, gasping as she mimicked what she’d just been doing against Henrí on the packed dance floor. Their tongues tangled, fighting for dominance when she finally brushed up against the growing hardness restricted by his pants. She ground back _hard_ , seeking the familiar outline of him as she worked on chasing her orgasm.

“M’close, I’m so close,” she managed to pant out against his lips. He nodded, already sensing she was on the cusp of finishing when he nudged his pointer finger inside of her, now three fingers deep in her sex. She clenched around his digits, now overwhelmingly full as she gasped against his plush, stained lips. His left hand moved on from teasing her nipple and she mourned the loss of stimulation momentarily before he brought his hand up to the column of her neck, wrapping his long fingers around her throat.

He gently pressed against her windpipe, waiting for a nod of approval from Rey before switching to a more pressing grip. Rey was a goner when he roughly ground the heel of his hand against her sensitive bundle of nerves, voice rough and gravelly as he grunted against the top of her head.

“Cum. Cum on my fingers, angel.”

His words were a command and her body readily responded to it, her orgasm rushing through her in jarring waves that made her hips buck into his touch, seeking more. Her breath came in pants as she tried to collect herself when the sensation finally began to fade away, her the burning fire in her core now soothed. She winced slightly as he carefully extracted his hand from her panties, the area now aching from the rough treatment. He kept his other hand loose around her throat as his lust clouded eyes met hers again in the mirror, bringing his slick fingers to her parted lips.

His gaze bore into her soul as she teasingly lapped at his fingers before taking them into her mouth, opening wide to accommodate them. The hand wrapped around her windpipe clenched when she moaned at the taste of her on him. He wrenched his hand from her mouth as if her tongue was made of fire, now eager to tackle the situation that was currently tenting in his pants head-on. Rey grinned as she propped herself up on her hands against the cool tiling of the sink.

“Check my purse,” she purred, amused by his near comical speed as he stepped back from her, rifling through her discarded purse for a gold foil square. He only slowed slightly when she ground back against him, earning a quick spank on her bottom before he finally found what he was looking for. He placed the corner of the packet between his teeth, not wanting to lose track of the precious object as both hands quickly undid his pants, pushing them down just enough to free his member before he tugged her jeans down.

She resisted the overwhelming urge to reprimand him when she heard the distinct sound signaling the loss of yet another rather expensive pair of lace underwear, biting her tongue as she watched him work. He nudged her legs apart after managing to bunch her jeans around her ankles and she complied, widening her stance as much as the stiff garment allowed her to. She knew this wasn’t going to last long, she could tell by his impatient hands as he opened his mouth, smoothly catching the now falling condom before rolling it on. She found she didn’t mind though, head still spinning from falling apart on his fingers.

When took the base of his length in his hand, he positioned herself in her folds, rubbing himself through the slickness that just been gathering in her now ruined underwear, bumping her clit as he teased her. After a displeased sound from Rey, eager to get on with it, he nudged at her entrance with the blunt tip of his cock and she pushed herself back onto his length, sighing at the accompanying satisfying ache because he was just so _thick_. He gripped her hips, controlling her movements until she was fully seated on him. A similarly satisfied sigh left his lips, his breath hitching when she purposefully clenched around him.

He responded by pulling out at torturing snail’s pace before slamming back up into her, one hand now gripping his shoulder to hold her in place as he began to thrust, hips angled to repeatedly nudge at her g-spot. Her knuckles went white as she gripped the sink for purchase, trying her best and failing to meet each of his punctuated strokes. She eventually gave up, gave into him and let him just take and instead focused on the feeling of him splitting her open.

She lifted her now heavy head, looking in their reflection and moaning at the sight she was met with. The toned muscles in his exposed arms flexed as he held her in place, cursing under his breath as he relentlessly pounded into her, sliding in til the root every time. His lips were cherry-stained from her lipstick and a light sheen of sweat was forming on his chest from exertion, a similar cherry flush working it’s way up his neck. His eyes were glued to her perky ass, fixated on where he slid into her tight, wet heat, and she couldn’t fight the swell of pride that filled her.

_It’s no plastic celebrity arse, but I’ve put adequate work in._

His eyes snapped up from where they were glued when she purposefully clenched around him again, trying to get his attention. His gaze was animalistic, clouded by _pure need_ as he drove into her, marking his territory. When Rey’s mouth dropped open with a pretty sigh, she could’ve sworn she heard him growl as he quickly pulled her up with the hand gripping her shoulder, continuing to fuck up into her as his head craned down to meet her lips, teeth clashing when they finally made contact.

The new position forced her up onto her tippy toes and Kylo into a half squat when he’d pull back, but she didn’t find time to complain when his left hand was back on her neck, right arm braced around her waist with his fingers beginning to strum at her clit. She pulled back from his hungry kisses, overwhelmed and slightly overstimulated as two of his calloused fingertips mercilessly circled her clit. It was his turn to let his head fall back in pleasure, grip tightening around her exposed neck before he began to suck lovebites into her shoulder.

Her second orgasm built up quickly, and she knew he was close from the now more erratic snap of his hips, slamming fully into her each thrust. Rey reached behind her, tangling a hand in his now slightly damp hair as she sought something to keep her balance. She tugged at his scalp, earning a hiss as she pulled his head up from the crook of her neck so he could look at their reflection. A devilish smirk played at his lips, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as he moved inside of her, further fueled by the sight of them in the mirror looking _wrecked_. He rested his chin on her shoulder, eyes locked on hers in the mirror when he began to speak, his words bringing her right to the edge.

“Look at how perfect you look taking my cock, angel…”

“Feel so fucking good, so good for me.”

“You’re _mine_.”

All Rey could do was whimper and nod when he punctuated his last word with a firm push against her windpipe, the mind-numbing haze of her impending orgasm beginning to creep in.

“Rey…”

He had whispered her name so softly she almost missed it, but it was enough to send another wave of pleasure through her as she came. It was the first time she’d heard her name, her _real_ name, fall from his lips and the intimacy it was laced with was too much for her to bear. Her eyes fluttered as the pleasure caused through her, his fingers at her sensitive bundle of nerves slowing down as he worked her through it. She watched his face screw up in pleasure in the mirror as he finished moments after her, almost taken aback by how _young_ he looked as he came, his hips stuttering as he filled the condom with his spend deep inside of her.

They stayed wrapped up in each other as they caught their breath, untangling once Kylo finally slipped his softening member out, quickly sliding off the condom and dropping it in the toilet after peeling himself from her back. As the reality of _where_ they still were set in, Rey hurriedly began to get dressed, pulling her jeans up and wincing at the graze of rough denim against her sensitive, bare lips as she zipped them up. She leaned forward in the mirror, adjusting her top and tucking her crudely freed breasts back in and rolling her eyes when she saw him once more in the mirror. He was now leaning back against the door, arms crossed after tucking himself back into his pants as he watched her frantically primp, expression smug as he looked on, proud of his handiwork.

“You’re _such_ an ass.”

“And you’ve got quite the ass…” He teased in response, eyes dropping down the denim-clad swell of her backside.

His quiet laugh at his own comment caught her off guard and she shook her head, tutting at him as she wet a new paper towel to clean up the smudged red lipstick on her face to the best of her ability. She cleared her throat as she slid her bag back on before turning to him, reaching up and using the same towel to wipe at the offending smudges around his mouth. He tilted his head back, allowing her to get a better view in the dimly lit bathroom before she tossed the towel in the waste bin. He moved to the side, opening the door when she was ready to go and stepping out of the way to follow her out.

She heard another laugh from behind her as they walked out, her head instantly dropping in shame when they were greeted by a line of angry bar patrons who were fully aware of what they’d just been doing. His hands came up to rest on her hips, steering her out of the bathroom as he stayed close behind her. She muttered apologies in French as she turned left, bee-lining for the back exit of the bar. There was absolutely no way they could go back out there in this state.

When the heavy exterior door shut behind them, they were met with silence, now isolated and alone in the empty alleyway. He dropped his hands from her hips once they were outside, pausing to pull a cigarette from the carton in the back pocket of his jeans as Rey just continued to walk, making her way out to the main road. She could hear his footsteps speeding up to catch up with her, throwing a glance over her shoulder at him.

“Are you trying to ditch me? After I let you defile me in a _public restroom_? I thought even you had a stronger moral compass than that.”

He was now walking in long strides beside her, exhaling smoke through his nose and she didn’t need to look at him to know that he was smirking.

“I’m not going to let an animalistic caveman lecture me on moral compasses, but thank you so much for your concern for my damned soul.” She knew her words dripped with sarcasm, but she also knew that he probably liked that. “You didn’t even have the decency to act like a _normal_ caveman and throw me over your shoulder and take me home before _you_ defiled _me_.”

She gasped when her feet were suddenly lifted off the ground and everything went upside down, Kylo taking it upon himself to throw her over his shoulder as if she weighed nothing. Her immediate reaction was to clench her fists and pound on his back as they made their way down the main road towards the port.

“Kylo! What the hell are you doing? Put me down!”

Her words fell on deaf ears as he dared to start whistling, casually waving at passing night owls as he took a deep drag of his cigarette. He reached up and firmly swatted at her ass as if she was an unbroken wild animal he was trying to coax. When one group of local guys outside a bar knit their brows in confusion at the sight of them, he mockingly shrugged, gesturing at her.

“Femmes, vous connaissez?”

The intoxicated group burst into laughter, nodding in agreement as one guy assuringly patted his free shoulder as they passed, all of them passing along greetings along the lines of _we get it_ and _congratulations_. Rey hung over his shoulder, crossing her arms in defiance as they carried on. Half a block later, he finally stopped, carefully putting her down and settling his hands on his shoulders, probably to keep her from sprinting off into the night, before he spoke.

“I was just following orders, you wanted me to act like a _normal_ caveman, no?”

“You’re the worst,” Rey deadpanned, reaching out to snatch the half-finished cigarette from his right hand and taking a deep drag before spinning on her heel. She flicked the cooling ash as she began to walk away, now only a block away from where Nal Hutta was docked.

His footsteps sped up again, catching up with her and wrapping an arm around her shoulder in a way that felt too comfortable, too normal.

_None of this is normal._

They walked the rest of the way in silence, steps syncing up as they continued along the uneven wood docks until they reached the sprawling vessel. She didn’t pause to sheepishly ask him if he wanted to come inside with her under the guise of having coffee or another drink. She knew she didn’t need to.

_My turn._

He fell in line behind her as she made her way inside the main cabin, heading to her suite at the end of the long corridor. He turned slightly to shut the bedroom door behind him and when he turned back to face her, she was all over him. Her hands found their way into his mess of silky hair as she slid her tongue along the seam of his lips, begging for entrance. His hands immediately went to her thighs as he deepened the kiss, tangling their tongues together. He gave her thighs a light tap and she understood, jumping so he could wind her legs around his sturdy waist. His steps towards the king-sized bed faltered as she ground against him, nipping at his bottom lip.

When his feet finally bumped into the foot of the bed, he begrudgingly pulled back from her enough to toss her onto the plush surface. His hands went to the top button of his shirt, eyes raking over her body as he took his time working the shirt open. Rey looked up at him through her lashes, sitting up enough on her elbows to reach back and unhook her top, tossing it off the foot of the bed when she finally slipped out of the puffed sleeves, shucking her jeans quickly after.

Kylo was working on slipping out of his pants and Rey took the opportunity to study his newly exposed skin. She hadn’t taken the time to study his bare chest uninterrupted like this before and was internally cursing because like everything else about him, it was hauntingly beautiful. Her eyes flit past the long scar she was already familiar with and she was just now noticing he had scars everywhere. Faint silver lines were littered across his muscled torso, she recognized two or three scars by his hip that she knew were from healed gunshot wounds and found herself curious to find out if there were matching exit wounds on the other side.

_Didn’t realize it was possible to be both a grower and a shower, yet here we are._

When he managed to roll off his dark briefs, Rey’s eyes moved on to study _that_ newly exposed skin. He was already half-hard against his toned thigh, his member twitching ever so slightly when Rey leaned back against the pillows, exposing herself fully to him as her legs fell open, her hand slipping down to gently tease herself. He kneeled on the bed, eyes predator-like as he moved towards her, replacing her hand with his own as he began to lazily run two fingers between her folds.

He continued his ministrations, pulling soft sighs from Rey as he laid on his side next to her, propping himself up with his free elbow, framing her body with his own.

“I’ve thought about this a lot, I’ve thought a lot about the different ways I’d like to make you cum on my cock…”

Her breath hitched as he let his words trail off, fingers now sliding up to tease her clit.

“You were so good for me earlier, bent over the sink like that, but I couldn’t help but think about how I wished you were on all fours for me in bed. I’d probably kill for that, to be able to just watch your perfect ass while you take me in _this_ perfect cunt.”

He punctuated his words with movement, sliding his fingers lower from her clit before sinking them both into her. She was still slightly sore and so sensitive that her legs instinctively tried to clamp shut at the contact but he sat up, free hand moving to pry her legs back open as his fingers curled.

“Might even see if _this_ is something that makes you tick.”

He slid his now slick fingers out of her, bringing them lower and beginning to circle the tight, dusty rose pucker of muscle, not applying any real pressure, just teasing.

“Think I might like you even more on your back though, spread open just like this for me, seeing your pretty little face as you fall apart on my cock. Don’t get me wrong, again, phenomenal ass, but I think I’d rather be able to watch these.”

Rey whimpered as she turned her head to look up at him through her lashes, his hand leaving the heat at the apex of her thighs and coming up to roughly palm at her breasts. She wasn’t sure how much more teasing she could stand. She was frustrated at the loss of him between her legs but grateful at the attention he was now giving her tight nipples as he leaned down, lazily beginning to suckle at the sensitive peaks. He was now fully hard, tip leaking pre-cum and curving slightly upward, and her mouth couldn’t help but water at the sight. While it might appear that up until now he had been calling the shots, she could see now that she _clearly_ had some semblance of power over him.

_I wonder if he’s thought about this, then._

Growing too impatient to go along with whatever he was playing at, Rey took the opportunity to turn the tables on him, hands going up to push his chest back onto the bed as she swung her leg over his waist, quickly moving to straddle him.

“Why don’t you let me find out if _this_ makes you tick?” She smirked down at him, reaching up and finally extracting the clip that held her half-up bun in place, shaking her hair out and tossing it to the side.

He was caught off guard by her sudden movement, allowing her the chance to duck down and capture his lips with her own to shut him up, his hands soon catching up and finding her waist. After a few minutes of lazy kissing, she sat up, one hand steadying herself on his chest as she leaned over to the nightstand, quickly grabbing a condom. Reaching down between them, she made quick work of tearing the foil packet open and rolling it onto his now throbbing length.

Adjusting her position, she reached down and wrapped her hand around his member, helping guide him before she slowly began to sink onto him, hips moving steadily until she was fully seated on him. Resting her hands on his chest for leverage, she paused for a moment to adjust because from this angle he somehow felt impossibly bigger, before she began to move. Each pass she rose all the way up, nearly letting him slip out of her before taking him back in, savoring the delicious drag of his length against the sweet spot deep inside her.

She picked up her pace, spurred on by the slack-jawed expression on Kylo’s face as she moved, his grip bruising on her hips. Digging her nails into his chest to form crescent-shaped indentations across his milky pale chest, she ground against him, seeking friction on her clit. Kylo let her, groaning as she clenched her wet heat around him before bringing a hand down to give her contact where she needed it the most.

“Thought about this a lot too,” his voice was strained, the hand still on her hip beginning to guide her back up and down as his thumb circled her clit. “Think my expectations have been shattered by reality though.”

“God, Kylo, fuck-”

His hips snapped up to meet her pace, something dark flickering in his eyes as his tone shifted.

“Angel, you know not to call me that,” his gruff voice was now deadly serious, pulling Rey out of her head for a second before she continued.

_Coward._

“Oh yeah, shit-, sorry won’t take the Lord’s name in vain again.”

She knew what he meant. Kylo knew she knew what he meant. She just chose to file that battle away for a later date. Instead of pressing the issue she sped up again, feeling so full she knew she wasn’t far from, as he so eloquently put it earlier, falling apart _on his cock_. Her hips snapped with each pass, leaning into his touch. As he began to thrust up into her, seeking for more, a particularly rough thrust caused her movements to falter. She recovered quickly, hands moving from his chest to grip the headboard as she leaned forward, hips now frantically chasing her release.

It was as if he could sense exactly what she needed, hands both now on her waist, essentially holding her in place as he fucked up into her, his pace near brutal. He leaned up, seizing the opportunity to latch onto rosy peak that was now dangling in front of him, tongue working tight circles around the hardened bud.

They were too out of breath for games and teasing dirty talk right now, both working in tandem as they sought euphoria. Her orgasm slowly crept up on her, slamming through her only when with a wolfish smile Kylo nipped at her sensitive, spit slick peak, the line between pain and pleasure blurred. Her hips stuttered, eyes screwed shut as she rode him through her climax, using what little strength she had left to stop herself from collapsing on top of him in post-coital exhaustion. Pulling herself from a blissful haze, she felt his hips beginning to move with fervor and knew he was close.

_Now, that just won’t do._

As he was approaching the brink, Rey sat back on her haunches and quickly slipped off of him.

“Wait, no, angel-” He was practically babbling, the words got caught up in his throat.  
  


Silence fell over them though when he realized what she was up to. She’d shifted to the foot of the bed, now kneeling between his legs. Removing the now offensive condom and tossing it somewhere on the floor, she leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the angry-looking tip of his length.

“You told me next time and I think it’s time I collect…”

He opened his mouth as if to say something witty but couldn’t the quip out in time, head falling back against the pillows as she licked a stripe up the underside of his cock, pausing at the tip to suckle at the reddened head. She pulled back quietly spitting on him and spreading the fluid with her hand, twisting her fist as she worked him over. When he managed to sit up on his elbows to get a better look at her, she fit as much of him as she could in her mouth, hand still wrapped around what she couldn’t quite handle.

“Christ, fucking look at you, taking me so well,” his voice was hoarse as he reached down, tangling a hand in her hair and not guiding her movements but instead just following them. His fist clenched in her hair when she began to hum around him, the vibrations pushing him back towards his delayed-release.

She sped up, twisting the hand wrapped around the base of his length in time with the bob of her head, savoring the weight of him on her tongue. She briefly began to drift away, imagining what it would be like to take him in her mouth while he was still only half-hard and feel him grow rigid in her throat. His hips bucked when she gently grazed her teeth on the underside of his tip, accidentally forcing him further down her throat. He could only manage to get out curse words through gritted teeth when she didn’t gag, instead bringing her hand down to cup his heavy sack, relaxing her throat before allowing him to slide all the way in. Her eyes only slightly watered as the tip of her nose brushed the dark thatch of hair surrounding his base, her muffled moans earning a broken groan.

She pulled off of him briefly when it all became too much, lack of oxygen causing her to go a little light-headed. A web of spit from his tip to her bottom lip kept them connected as she brought her hand back up to pump him as she caught her breath.

“Angel, I’m gonna-”

He sounded wrecked and she _loved_ it. He probably meant it as some kind of warning, expecting Rey to get ready to receive his spend in her hand or somewhere else on her body. When she took him back in her mouth she resumed with heightened enthusiasm, feeding off of his groans and praise as she bobbed her head. Feeling his hand tug lightly at her scalp, she knew he was close and was probably trying to get her to pull off. She shook her head “no” as much as she could without stopping her movements, taking him in til nearly the root again before her eyes flickered up to look at him.

That was all it took. When their eyes met, hers now slightly red-rimmed from moisture and his desperate and hungry, his hips stuttered one more time before he came down the back of her throat, strong hand now holding her in place there. She hummed, satisfied with herself as she felt the warm liquid fill her already stuffed mouth. After briefly savoring the taste of _him_ , she swallowed around him, letting his spend roll down the back of her throat. He hissed at the feeling, member now slightly sensitive as she pulled off with an audible pop, devilishly smiling up at him after licking her lips. His head was dropped back against the pillows as he brought a hand up to push his hair back, catching his breath before looking back down at her with raised eyebrows.

“You’re a _minx_ , angel.”

Her smile shifted, now feigning innocence as if to say _I have no idea what you’re talking about._ She couldn’t help but yelp when he quickly reached down, hauling her up against her chest like she was once again weightless. Rey found herself ready to protest, insistent that she wasn’t sure she could survive another round, when he positioned himself behind her, spooning her. She looked back over her shoulder at him, expression quizzical as he kicked the comforter from out underneath them before pulling it over their flushed bodies.

“Oh, c’mon, don’t look at me like that. I know you love being the little spoon.” He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to her lips before resting his chin on the top of her head.

She decided not to fight him on it, fighting every voice in her head that was currently screaming at her to kick this man out of her bed and banish him, urging her to send him away with the threat of _death_ should he even think about coming close to her again. She wanted to kick and shout and scream that she never wanted to see him again.

_You know that’s a lie._

She couldn’t put the words out there. They stayed lodged in her head as she leaned back into the warm body behind her, getting comfortable in the plush white bed. She didn’t know if her brain was too exhausted from the night’s events catching up with her, or if she just knew that she didn’t have the strength to lie right now. She didn’t have the strength to pretend.

Her eyes had just fallen shut, the weight of Kylo’s arm around her waist grounding her as she began to drift.

“Ben.”

His voice was shaky. There was no witty follow-up comment, no seething sarcasm, no teasing, no inflection whatsoever. It was a statement.

She rolled over in bed to face him, his arms still bracketing her. She was wide awake now, looking up at him as if his eyes would answer all of her questions.

“Ben?”

He nodded, gulping slightly as he looked down at her. His hand came up to graze her cheek, gently tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“Ben. Call me Ben.”

There was something in his eyes she hadn’t seen before. There was no fire, no bite, no hunger. His eyes were pleading. She nodded, understanding that for now, that was all she needed to know.

She turned back around in his arms, back pressed against his frame again as her mind raced a million miles a minute. Understanding silence fell back over the room. Minutes later when she was almost positive he was asleep, she spoke.

“Ben, are you scared?” She didn’t expect a reply, really only whispering the words out loud for the universe to hear. He’d asked her the same question last time they were together, right before they went past the point of no return. She didn’t expect him to remember that detail since she was sure it was a question he’d asked a hundred others before her.

She was proved wrong when he answered after a minute of silence, voice shaky as he pulled her closer to his chest.

“No. Not of you.”

* * *

When she woke up sore in an empty bed, she was neither disappointed nor surprised. She wasn’t sure what time he’d slipped out, what time _Ben_ slipped out, but she could tell by her suite’s view of the sun high in the sky that it was fairly early in the morning.

She groaned as she pulled herself from the bed, last night’s exertion catching up with her as she made her way to the shower. She showered quickly but took extra care to be gentle around her more sensitive areas this morning. The burn of him was going to stick around for a few more hours.

After stepping out of the shower, she slipped her fluffy white robe back on and pushed her damp hair back. Stepping into a cozy pair of slippers, she began making her way down the ship’s long corridor to the lower deck.

Greeted by the sight of Kaydel standing at the deck railing, dressed in a matching white robe with her hair damp from the shower, Rey smiled softly and sidled up next to her. Kaydel wordlessly slid a hot, full mug of coffee towards Rey on the railing, pausing to take a sip from her own mug. Rey let out a contented sigh as she dropped her head to the side, resting it on Kaydel’s shoulder.

_We’ll discuss that hickey on her neck and the fact that she didn’t come back last night later._

Kaydel pressed a gentle, caring kiss to the top of Rey’s head before looking over at her, raising her mug in the air. Silently, she raised her own, clinking her porcelain cup against Kaydel’s before finally taking a sip. As they stood looking over the sparkling sea, she could feel the tension rolling off her shoulders, as if the waves were taking some of the weight of the world off of her shoulders with each ebb and flow. Her free hand slipped into the pocket of her robe, thumbing at the piece of paper she’d spotted on her dresser on her way out to the deck.

**Rey -**

**Don’t go too far. I’ll find you.**

**\- Ben**

This time, she hoped he’d keep his promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *takes long drag of cigarette before cartwheeling to stock up on more cold brew because i know where i'm going with this monster*
> 
> Again, can't thank y'all enough for the feedback on the first chapter, please let me know your thoughts/wishes/hopes/dreams this time around!
> 
> Connect with her here or over on tumblr at chaoticreylo.tumblr.com x


	3. i never meant to know you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jinkies, i apologize for the delay! a few weeks ago my funemployment came to an abrupt end (yay!) but then i was so swept up in training and work that i didn't have time to work on my baby but hey, i got nothing but time now!
> 
> i know things are probably scary and weird and new for a lot of y'all, i'm on the west coast where we've been told a "safer at home" initiative starts at midnight, but just wanted to say i sincerely hope you're all staying safe and healthy! stick around after to hang out with me and help keep me motivated because i'm tryna be productive during the 'tine 
> 
> title and lyrics from "Called You Twice" by FIDLAR ft. K. Flay

I never meant to call you

But then I went and called you twice

I never meant to know you

But now I know the things you like and don't like

And baby, when I saw you

I saw that we would crash and burn

I went to every school, but

I never really learned

Love notes on the table

I was broken and disabled by the pain

By the pain

Like it was a mantra

Kept repeating all the drama we created

It was our baby

Found myself concealing tiny secrets with no meaning

'Cause it gave a strange sensation of control

Said you would protect me

But I'm stronger now you've left me after all

After all

I fall to a piece

I can tell the heart breaks in degrees

Smiling as I look back

Knowing that you took nothing from me

\--- _Called You Twice,_ FIDLAR 

_Amsterdam_ , March 2019

Rey wasn’t dating Kylo Ren. Rey was fucking Ben Solo. Rey had been for just over six months now. 

She was an idiot, that much was clear, but who could say no to a dream situation like this? Amazing semi-regular sex without the commitment of a relationship? Having a man essentially on-call across all of continental Europe whenever you had an itch that needed scratching? Mind-numbing orgasms from one of the Resistance’s biggest foes? _Everything had a price_ , was the half-assed justification Rey gave Kaydel three months into their arrangement.

* * *

Two weeks after she woke up to an empty bed in Cannes, she was sitting on her balcony in Brixton when she received an encrypted message sent to her personal email. They were coordinates for a bed and breakfast outside of Brighton accompanied by a simple message. 

_September 7th. 8 PM. Alone._

She didn’t need to forward the email to Finn to try to identify the sender, she knew who it was. She also knew if she was smart, she wouldn’t go, especially not alone. If she wasn’t an idiot, Rey would have her whole team do some homework on _Ben_ and would show up with the entire cavalry. 

However, when it came to _Ben Solo_ , Rey really was an idiot. 

To be fair, she had done her homework. Within six hours of waking up to his last note, she’d taken the name Ben and with a little digging, a lot of espresso and some dumb luck, she found enough information to start a full-blown manifest on him. She worked backwards, looking for anyone associated with First Order Solutions named Ben, and when that was a dead-end she had to throw out a wider net. While Kylo Ren lived in the shadows, Poe Dameron didn’t. After going through hundreds of photos of Poe Dameron in every single archive she could slip into remotely, she finally saw him. 

It was an old photo from 2013, dating back to before Rey even knew First Order Solutions was a _thing_ and way before Rey was recruited to the Resistance. It was an old photo, but she knew it was him. He was younger, but there was zero doubt in her mind that the lanky, brooding Ph.D. student posing next to Poe Dameron with some sort of first place prize certificate at a tech conference was her _Ben_. 

_Poe Dameron, left, and Benjamin Solo, right, Technology & Operations Management Ph.D. candidates. _

That was the most recent photo of Ben she could find, but she spent hours going through the hundreds of public archive photos that pre-dated it. Benjamin Solo was the only child of well-loved and progressive Indiana Senator Leia Organa and her entrepreneur husband Han Solo, who both perished in a house fire in 2014. 

Rey stopped digging after she closed the sixth news article she read about the fire. For the first time, she’d felt dirty. She was just doing her job, but Ben’s words kept looping in her mind. She was a monster if she used any of this against him. She was exactly what he’d called her and she couldn’t do a damn thing about it other than walk away at that point. She couldn’t be like him, like Kylo Ren. 

Two weeks later, shortly she pulled her Mini Cooper up to the Shoreham-by-Sea bed and breakfast the coordinates led her to, alone, she found out that digging was for nothing. Ben knew she would find out, that was the only logical explanation she had been able to come up with. She walked up to the polite older woman at the check-in desk, explaining that she was there to meet up with her friend Ben, she was handed a crisp envelope with a few pieces of paper and a heavy metal key labeled _Companion of Mr. Benjamin Solo._

She waited until she was locked away the elegantly decorated corner guest room, no doubt the most secluded suite in the upscale home, to unfold the thin stack of papers. They were instructions. Benjamin Solo wouldn’t be joining Rey this weekend, but he would be joining her soon. There was a neat box on the bed, wrapped delicately with a satin bow. She tore into it before she could think about it, throwing all caution to the wind. Inside was an expensive-looking silver watch, accented with gold, covered by its own set of instructions.

After getting the hang of it, it was a simple system. Click the small knob on the side of the watch’s face to send a deep pulse to the other party, your coordinates were sent to a new encrypted messaging system. If you got one buzz in return, you could expect some company. Two buzzes meant to try back later. The next time she saw him, a week later back in London, he showed her his half of their system, a heavy-looking silver, and black Rolex because of course, he needed a Rolex. 

* * *

He’d buzzed yesterday, mid-morning as Rey sat at her desk poring over everything she could get her hands on about the _Guavian Death Gang_ that was terrorizing northern Europe. When she put a formal request in with Holdo to be left off anything having to do with First Order Solutions, citing prior incidents, she didn’t bat an eye. She caught herself smiling softly, waiting a few minutes before sending a tremor his way to let him know to come on over. If past rendezvouses were anything to go off of, he’d probably be surfacing at some point tonight. 

Rey pulled her jacket closer around herself, covering herself from the early Spring breeze snaking its way through the bustling streets of Amsterdam. She’d been here about a month now as a point person for one of their newer field agents, Jessika Pava, and was expecting to extract her any day now. She’d grown fond of the city and its people, she missed London immensely but found herself in no real rush to get home. Finn and Rose were working with Holdo in Munich, Kaydel was off in Sevilla doing a favor for Snap, there wasn’t much waiting for her back in London. 

As she made her way up to her waterfront building, feelings of excitement and anticipation thrummed through her veins. She hadn’t seen him in two weeks now, which was the average amount of time between their meetings but she had felt a bit slighted when he had to leave after six hours together in Berlin. Letting herself in, she made her way up to her fourth-floor studio, memories of his last visit flashing through her mind as the warmth began to pool deep in her stomach. 

_Six hours wasn’t much but the five orgasms he’d pulled out of her that night more than made up for it._

His cologne hit her as soon as she walked inside. Her eyes fell to the familiar black leather duffel on the floor next to the front door, a pair of white designer loafers neatly placed next to it. Smiling to herself, Rey shrugged off her leopard print jacket and hung it up next to the door after setting her purse down. She heard him before she saw him. 

“The little old lady who lives on the second floor is way too trusting, and you need to get better at hiding spare keys.”

Smoothing her black high-neck top, she walked to the back of the modern studio apartment, greeted by a very comfortable Ben. He was sat back on her neatly made bed, long legs crossed in black jeans that seemed like they were glued on and a soft-looking black sweater, the newspaper he’d just been reading now discarded on the nightstand next to him. He sat up against her headboard, folding his hands in his lap as he scanned Rey through his silver reading glasses. He tilted his head to the side as Rey walked towards the foot of the bed, raising an eyebrow quizzically. 

“Leather pants? To work? Someone you’re trying to impress?” His tone was teasingly condescending, a smirk playing at his lips. 

_If he smirks at me one more time with those goddamn glasses on I may just have to chain him to the bed and keep him here forever._

Rey stood staring down at him, placing her hands on her hips as she shrugged, expression passive. Internally, she was anything but passive. Her heart was pounding in her chest, brain short-circuiting as she struggled with what to say next. Every time she saw him she went into survival mode, she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t help the thought crossing her mind, the fear that today was going to be the day he turned on her, putting her down in cold blood. 

_He could never. You couldn’t either. You both know it._

“Was expecting some company later tonight, you should probably clear out before he gets here unless you’re cool with crashing on the couch when he sleeps over.”

She steeled herself, not letting any of her internal panic seep into her voice as she kept her tone casual. Apparently, she was successful, her words having their intended and carefully calculated effect on Ben. He sat up straighter, leaning slightly towards her now as his smirk quickly disappeared. 

_Jealous, possessive mode activated in three, two..._

This was one of the first things she’d learned about Ben: he could dish it out but could never take it. 

“You’re going to regret saying that, angel.”

She grinned as he lunged forward, pulling her face down onto the soft bed and moving to kneel beside her in one fell swoop. Giggles erupted from her parted lips as he swatted at her pert bottom. The first round was always like this, all frantic clashing teeth and greedy hands. Rey folded her arms underneath her head, beginning to relax on her stomach as she watched Ben hurriedly undress over her shoulder. He reached behind his head, pulling off the soft-looking sweater and t-shirt he had on underneath in one smooth motion. Rey sighed contentedly, eyes roaming his bare skin as he worked off his tight jeans. She always knew what to say to get him worked up. 

“I’m feeling quite modest here, you gonna help me with that, or…” She trailed off, raising her eyebrows as he rolled his eyes. 

“Always so bossy, bossy, bossy,” Ben replied in a mockingly sing-song voice, “Ben take my clothes off…” 

All the while, he began to comply, tugging at the bottom of her shirt before she pulled the tight layer off overhead quickly. 

“Ben make me chant your name with your tongue…” 

She smirked into the crook of her folded elbow when he groaned at her choice of underwear for the evening. His hands slid over the planes of her shoulders, fingertips barely grazing her skin and leaving goosebumps in their wakes. He carefully rubbed the red lace of her bra between his thumb and pointer-finger, appreciating the soft material as he made quick work of the clasp before snapping one of her bra straps. Rey hissed in response, shooting him a glare that she knew he could read as _motherfucker._

Ben gave her a crooked smirk in response, mouthing a quick _oopsies_ before grabbing her hips and quickly flipping her onto her back. Before continuing his earlier train of thought, he moved to kneel between her legs, deft fingers going to the top of her suffocating black leather flares. 

“Ben fuck me seven ways to Sunday…” 

Rey bit her lip, leaning up to wrap his arms around his neck when he finally moved over her, large frame boxing her in. 

“It’s like, what about what _I_ want Rey? You get what I mean?”

She shook her head, now grinning up at the idiot who sent electric shockwaves through her body by simply putting his stupid big hands on her waist. 

“Yeah? What is it that you want then, Ben?” 

His name always felt dangerously good falling off of her tongue. She was addicted to saying it. She secretly treasured the feeling of being the only person who knew him like this, the only person who saw him this way. 

He leaned down, one forearm next to Rey’s head supporting him as he whispered in her ear. 

“I want to ruin you for anyone else.” Rey’s breath hitched slightly when Ben slid his hand down the front of her matching red thong, fingers parting her already wet folds. He shifted over her, leaning down to envelope her lips with his own, their tongues quickly meeting. Feeling greedy, she instinctively raised her hips to chase the contact, frustrated by the limiting confines of her tight pants. 

_You’ve already ruined me for anyone else, no one else could ever make me feel this good._

The twistingly saccharin sweet thought flashed across her mind before she could stop it. 

“Ben, not tonight, please,” she panted out between fevered kisses. She knew she sounded pathetic but she didn’t need to be wound any tighter. She’d felt on edge the moment she saw him with his frustratingly hot facial hair and his silly reading glasses, she needed him inside of her ten minutes earlier. 

He simply nodded, reluctantly pulling away as he began to trail kisses down her neck, pausing briefly to pepper feather-light ones over the lace-covered peaks of her nipples. Rey let out a soft moan as she helped him slide the unhooked bra from her shoulders, granting him full access. He’d normally take his time doing this, straining against the material of his briefs as he’d spend upwards of an hour making Rey cry out with phantom touches and his wicked tongue. Tonight though, he was just as desperate as she was. 

Kissing his way down the taut skin of her stomach, pale from the winter weather, his fingers quickly finished unfastening her pants. He tugged them down her hips, looking up at Rey as he pressed an open-mouthed kiss to the top of her low-slung underwear, whispering against the skin. 

“I’ll come back and visit you later don’t worry.”

_Fucking asshole._

He quickly sat back on his knees, carefully pulling the rest of the material from her slightly sticky skin. Hooking his thumbs in the thin waistband of her thong, Ben made an exaggerated show of very slowly sliding the material down her legs until she impatiently kicked them off the rest of the way. Maybe she’d given him a little too much shit recently about how many expensive pairs of underwear he’d ripped, but he also probably deserved it. 

_The unexpected shipments of very expensive lingerie that arrived at her apartment in the following weeks certainly made up for it though._

Rey let her legs fall open, fully exposing herself to his hungry gaze after he tossed the discarded material aside. He moved with purpose, spurred on by the sight of her as he added his briefs to the pile of clothing. He was painfully hard as he gave himself a few quick pumps, his angry-looking tip already coated with a light sheen of pre-cum. Rey couldn’t help but lick her lips at the sight, lifting her hips as he reached to slide a pillow underneath them. Without further pretense he adjusted his position, her thighs bracketing his hips as he guided his length between her folds, prodding her slick entrance briefly before sliding in. 

Her eyes fluttered shut at the sensation, savoring the feeling as he settled fully in her. There was a slight twinge of pain as he began to move, Rey’s body working to accommodate how _big_ he was because that was something she wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to, especially without warming up to it. He waited until she gave him a reassuring tap to get into rhythm, her hands pressed up against his solid chest. 

She canted her hips up off the pillow to meet his thrusts, his hands sliding to her hips to guide her movements. His eyes scanned over her, pace building when they landed on where he was working his way into her. His eyes locked there, seemingly fascinated as he watched his length slowly slip out of her before he’d firmly thrust back in. Rey huffed, frustrated with his slowed movements before she wrapped her ankles around his torso, pulling him down over her. He understood, smirking as he supported himself on his hands, one on each side of Rey’s fanned out hair. 

He craned his neck to press a kiss to the blurry tattoo behind her ear, his breath hot on her ear as he whispered. 

“I know angel, I know what you need.”

_Better than anyone else._

Rey couldn’t help but clench around him, stomach fluttering at his words. He kept his word, quickly building a faster pace, hips angled to graze that soft spot inside of her with each thrust. When he extracted himself from the crook of her neck, she instantly sought out his lips. After a clash of teeth, it was all soft sounds into each others’ mouths and tangled tongues. The warm coil deep in Rey’s stomach began to tighten, it was horrible how it was always so good with him. 

“Ben,” Rey sighed as he manipulated her body with experienced hands, snaking one hand behind his back to get lost in his hair. 

“Missed you,” his words were so soft, spoken so quietly against her parted lips that Rey almost missed them. She thought she was hearing things for a moment until he spoke again, “Need you.”

In response all she could muster was a nod, tugging him down by his hair to cut him off with a searing kiss. His hands burned her bare skin as he gripped her waist, holding her in place as he snapped his hips to meet hers, pace nearing brutal. When he found the right angle to make her cry out, other hand dragging manicured nails down the expanse of his back he kept her there, movements unrelenting as he nailed her sweet spot with each torturous thrust. 

His name tumbled from her lips like a chant. The way he was draped over her allowed him to grind against her clit with each bump of their hips, the friction quickly sending Rey towards her climax. He could tell she was close from the familiar clench he felt around his member, an animalistic growl slipping from his lips when Rey couldn’t help but whimper. She felt electric pulses clawing at her skin, he was so deep she was beginning to see stars. 

_He’s the only person that can do this to you._

She needed to see him, needed him to see her. With a sharp yank of his hair, she pulled him back from their heated kiss, looking up at him through her lashes. His dark eyes locked on hers, seeking answers in her hazel eyes, face flickering in the softly lit room. She could feel wetness stinging her own eyes as they took each other in, blinking before he could see the small tears that had begun to well up in her eyes. 

_It’s incredibly normal to tear up during sex with a fuck buddy, very routine._

It was too late. His hips faltered when a single tear rolled down the side of her face. His expression changed quickly, moving from confusion to something that looked like relief while all Rey could feel was heat rising in her cheeks. He resumed his set rhythm, leaning down one more time to kiss her tear-streaked temple before bringing his plush lips back to the shell of her ear. 

“Mine.”

That was all it took to push her over the edge, her orgasm slamming through her as she tensed up, head falling back against the plush pillows. His grip on her hips tightened, forcing her still as her hips began to reflexively buck away from the contact, sensitivity driving her wild. Ben fucked her through it, his release coming not long after hers. He growled her name before sinking his teeth into her bare shoulder, hips stuttering as he spilled his release into her. Her walls fluttered in response to the sensation, taking everything he gave to her. 

The air felt sucked out of the room as they both caught their breath. Rey sighed contentedly, feeling well-satiated when he slipped his softening member out of her gingerly. Ben pressed a soft kiss to the indentation his bite had left on her shoulder before sitting back to press a kiss to her forehead. He moved in silence, gently untangling himself from Rey before slipping off the bed, his footsteps heavy as he disappeared into the bathroom. 

Rey sat back, leaving her legs splayed open on the bed as she waited for him to return, willing her heartbeat to slow down. She couldn’t help but smile at the sticky feeling between her legs and the satisfying ache that accompanied it. She stretched her arms over her head, reveling in the delicious feeling that rolled through her shoulders before sitting up on her elbows, eyes glued to the bathroom door. When he stepped out a few minutes later holding a damp towel, unfortunately now dressed in a fresh pair of briefs, his eyes were fixed on the ground as he moved. When he reached the foot of the bed and finally looked back up at the blissed-out goddess he’d left in bed, something deep in his eyes sparkled. 

She knew the effect she had on him, every time she laid bare for him like this, he looked at her like she was the most precious thing he had ever seen. He’d go partly slack-jawed, seemingly speechless as his bottom lip would tremor occasionally. His eyes went glassy but remained focused as if he was struggling in concentration trying to memorize every curve of her body. It used to make her feel embarrassed. She’d instinctively try to fold her arms over her chest or snap her legs shut, a nervous blush spreading across her body. His gaze felt too intense, it felt too real and it terrified her because she didn’t understand _why_ he looked at her that way. 

Now, she basked in it. Because now, she understood it. She couldn’t pinpoint a precise moment when everything shifted, but it had, and now she regularly laid herself open to him with her body and rose to meet him with a matching stare. They were equals. 

He kneeled on the bed, moving towards her open legs and staying silent as his unnerving gaze stayed on her. He cleaned her up with the warm damp towel, smirking when she winced as the soft material dragged over her clit, feeling smug that she was still so sensitive. It was Ben that finally broke the silence when he left the bed again, reaching a hand out to signal for Rey to leave the haven of the mattress with him.

“C’mon, let’s get something from that Thai place I saw down the street.” 

_Now he’s speaking my language._

She grinned, nodding as she stood from the bed, making her way towards her closet, a soft laugh escaping her lips as he swatted at her ass. She picked up the t-shirt he’d discarded with his sweater, tugging it on overhead before he noticed. The familiar Bowie graphic on the soft, worn black cotton comforted her in the mirror as she tugged some leggings on. When she came back to her “bedroom” at the back of the studio, he was back in his expensive-looking black sweater and jeans. 

He turned to face her as he pushed his reading glasses back on, quirking an eyebrow at _his_ t-shirt on her. 

“Was looking for that. Probably won’t get it back, will I?”

“Consider us even. My favorite shirt of yours in exchange for the countless clothes of mine you’ve laid waste to feels like a pretty fair trade.” She waited for him by the front door, stepping into the closest pair of white running shoes she had and pulling her faux fur coat back on. 

“Not sure about that, considering it’s my favorite too,” He joined her by the front door, stepping back into his designer loafers as he slipped his wallet into his back pocket, nodding towards the door to signal he was ready to go. 

“Great minds think alike,” Rey hummed, stepping out into the hallway and locking the door behind him, “We can draw up a custody agreement after you’ve fed me.”

“Works for me, gotta trap you into seeing me somehow, angel,” he followed her downstairs onto the busy street, “besides, it looks better on you.” 

It was still early in the evening and her neighborhood was buzzing with families taking evening strolls, rowdy groups of coworkers mingling at local bars, lovebirds sharing bottles of wine at romantic outdoor cafes despite the chill in the air. 

_I’m not going anywhere._

She chose not to respond, out of fear of saying something she may regret, and a comfortable silence fell over the pair as they fell in step side by side. By the time they made it to her favorite vegan Thai spot around the corner, his arm had made its way around her shoulder, keeping her close under the thinly veiled excuse of _you’re freezing._

She ordered for both of them, stepping back and allowing him to pay because _that_ was an argument she never won with him. Her eyes fell to the front of his shiny black AmEx, smiling softly at the silver embossed name. 

_Benjamin O. Solo._

Maybe one day she’d gather the courage to ask him about the “O”. 

“Where are you, space cadet?”

His voice pulled her out of her daydream, handing the signed receipt back to the cashier before moving to wait in the row of chairs by the entrance for their order. She followed, sitting next to him and letting her head rest on his shoulder. He reciprocated the movement, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before leaning his cheek there. 

“M’here.” 

* * *

Hours later, they were intertwined on the couch, Rey laying with her head on his chest, one of his hands heavy on the small of her back as he bracketed her with his splayed legs. They were half-watching an old French-dubbed episode of Gilmore Girls, half-empty cartons of coconut milk green curry forgotten on the kitchen counter and a now empty bottle of red wine on the coffee table next to them. Ben’s other hand was lazily carting through her collarbone length hair, the movement slowly lulling Rey to sleep as she listened to the steady sound of his heartbeat with her ear pressed to his chest. 

It was so easy for her to get lost in moments like this. Calm looks into what domestic life could be like for the two of them. He looked so young in his casual clothes, so unassuming with his reading glasses on. It was too easy to forget who they were and how they’d met. What’d started as a purely physical agreement now was blurry, the two of them dangerously pushing their unspoken rules and boundaries further every time they were together. It was all so easy in her head. Every day could be lazy kisses, coffee breath and shared post-coitus cigarettes followed by sitcom reruns on TV. Too often Rey let her imagination run free, picturing what it would be like to come home to this, come home to _him every day_. Her Ben. 

Her mind continued to drift as she burrowed closer into his chest, her hands balling up the fabric stretched across his chest as she got comfortable. Her eyes fell shut, visions of the two of them in an alternate universe dancing across her closed eyelids. She was about to fall asleep when he spoke, his eyes still fixed on the television. 

“I’m going to be going off the grid for a while.” 

“Alright, but don’t you already live off the grid? No one knows who you are, what you look like, some may even say you’re an enigma, Ben,” Rey blinked open her sleepy eyes, looking up at him. His eyes didn’t come down to meet hers. 

“Publicly I guess, yeah.” Rey nodded, satisfied with his answer as she let her eyes fall back shut, thinking the conversation was already over. “Let me rephrase, I’m going to be going off the grid for a while, from _everyone_.”

Rey was fully awake now, trying to make sense of what he just said. 

“I’m not following.” 

“It’s bullshit, Rey. All of it.”

She sat up at that, kneeling between his legs and staring down at him. He was still staring at the screen, but she could see now that his eyes were unfocused, not processing what they were watching. 

“What do you mean by ‘all of it’, what do you mean ‘from everyone’?”

He didn’t answer her, tension beginning to fill the room. Rey reached for the remote on the coffee table, shutting off the television to silence his scapegoat. 

“You can’t just say shit like that and ignore me, Ben. Look at me.”

When he turned to face her, conflict was apparent in his expression. 

“I’m going to need your watch back,” he deadpanned. 

His response enraged her. Anger began to boil her blood as she glared at him, her next words coming through gritted teeth. 

“Fuck you, answer me.” 

He sat up, the two of them now facing each other with stiff spines on the couch. His clipped tone rivaled hers when he spoke. 

“I mean _all of it,_ Rey. First Order Solutions. The Resistance. Snoke. Whatever the fuck you’re doing here. It’s all such bullshit.”

“What the fuck are you-”

“Shut up and just _listen,_ Rey. You’re a pawn to them. Every day you’re putting your own life on the life for the fucking greater good or whatever your mission statement is, but what have they done for you? They’re using you in their game, in their self-righteous battle of _good vs. evil_. It’s a tale as old as time and it’s not ending anytime soon, it will never end. Are you serving up poetic justice the way you’d hoped too? Do you feel a little piece of your abandoned orphan complex break away every single time you make the _bad guys_ suffer the way you did?”

_How did he know that?_

The anger was gone from his voice, shifting to something that sounded like desperation. Rey didn’t give a fuck, because she was now _livid._ She rushed to stand, pulling herself away from the warmth radiating her body as she stood over the couch and looked down at him.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Ben.”

He looked up at her, eyes searching.

“I know exactly what I’m talking about. You know I do. You felt like you were nothing before you found them, you still feel like you’re nothing. You _are_ nothing to them. I know you, Rey, I told you before that we were cut from the same cloth when you called me a monster. You were wrong, but so was I. I’m not a monster and neither are you. They are the ones who made you nothing, the same way I was made to feel like nothing. It’s all bullshit, Rey. You’re not nothing to me.” 

Her body reacted before her mind could catch up, unable to stop her movements as she slapped him across the face. He was left slack-jawed, color blooming in his left cheek from the contact and Rey didn’t even realize what had happened until she felt stings pricking her open palm. She brought her hands up to her mouth, gasping in surprise at what she’d just done. 

His head rolled back to look straight at her with dark eyes, seemingly unphased by the contact.

“You know I’m right. We’ve both spent so long searching for somewhere we belong and I thought I had found it, but I was wrong. I’m walking away from _all of it_. FSO, Snoke, the shadows, Kylo Ren. All of it.”

The rage was back. 

“Stop fucking lying to me. You can lie to everyone else, but you can’t hide from me, Ben.” 

“I’m not lying. You know I’m not lying because you’re right and that’s exactly what I’m trying to get you to see, Rey. I can’t lie anymore, not for them.”

“You arrogant-”

  
He stood up, hands grabbing her wrists as she began to clench her fists. 

  
“Stop. Think about it, Rey. This bullshit is going to outlive both of us. The momentum may shift over time, but as long as we serve them we are always going to be on the losing side. The Resistance will keep finding new marks and FSO will _never_ stop finding new ways to ruin lives, so why are we sticking around waiting for it to kill us both?”

_He’s not wrong._

She kept her eyes locked straight, glaring at his chest but the anger was beginning to dissipate from her eyes. 

“How do you know about my childhood?”

Her shift in topic caught Ben off-guard but he recovered quickly, sliding his hands from her wrists to her hands, trying to intertwine her fingers with his own. 

“The same way you know about mine.” 

_He has me there._

“Rey,” he continued before she could respond, “Can you stand here and tell me that you don’t feel it? You don’t feel what’s happening here? We don’t have to make the same mistakes as them, Rey, we don’t have to answer to anyone. We can let go of the past Rey, we can forsake their legacies and leave our own.” 

Tears began to prick her eyes as his words sunk in. 

“You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it. You can’t stand here and tell me that you’ve never looked at me and wondered what could’ve happened if we didn’t meet this way.”

She finally gathered the courage to look up at his eyes, those deep brown eyes that felt like _home._

“That’s not fair.”

“When is anything fair?”

She shifted her weight between her feet, wrapping her fingers in the spaces left unoccupied by his. 

“Why now, Ben?”

He gulped, steeling himself. 

“It’s complicated.”

She’d heard enough. She dropped his hands and raised her own in defeat, shaking her head as she walked away from him towards the balcony. He followed her closely, calling after her. She tried to shut the door behind her but he beat her movements by seconds, forcing himself through the closing door and joining her on the iron terrace. 

“You can’t just show up and try to flip my world on its’ axis then tell me things are ‘complicated’ because you don’t have the grit to lie to my face. It doesn’t work that way-” 

“He’s dead.”

“I’m sorry, wh-”

“He’s dead. Snoke. Snoke is dead.” His tone sent a chill down her spine, matter of fact and clipped. 

_Surely I would’ve heard about this…_

“How do you-”

“I did it. I killed him. I killed Snoke.”

Rey froze in her tracks, waiting for Ben to start laughing off what he’d just said, hit her with a quick _just kidding_ followed by a _let’s just go back inside and drink some more wine._ He didn’t start laughing. She knew he wasn’t lying, either. This is what she’d always known he was capable of. 

“We have to let the past die, Rey. We’ve both devoted ourselves to these machines to try to change the past but all we’re doing is repeating it,” he shoved a hand through his hair, conviction seeping into his words, “Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. It’s the only way to become who you were meant to be.”

She looked up at him, not bothering to wipe away the tears that were now streaming down pronounced cheekbones.

_My beautiful, broken boy._

“You said it yourself, I’m nobody. That doesn’t mean I can just walk away from everything, I can’t just leave the Resistance. Even if I could, I-” she choked up, gesturing towards Ben, “You don’t mean this. Kylo Ren can’t disappear into the shadows with the resources he, Snoke, he has, _had_ , so much power, Ben.”

He stood there in silence for a few moments, lips parted as concentration creased his features. 

“I can do it. I need to do it now, it’s the only option. I know what I have to do, but,” he brought his hands up to her tear-stained jawline, cupping her face like she was the most delicate thing in the world, tears were threatening to spill from his warm brown eyes, his voice cracking as he begged her, “I can’t do it alone Rey. I need you with me.”

He looked so young, like the man she recognized from all those old photos. There was nothing left of Kylo Ren in the man that stood in front of her. The entire time she’d known him she’d been searching for it, something to confirm her worst fears and show her she was right when she’d called him a monster. She tried to find it in his eyes at every turn, something sinister to give her an excuse to cut off whatever _this_ was and send her running for the hills. There was nothing there, there never had been. All she could see was Ben, the man she loved. 

_I’ll do anything for you._

She moved quickly, reaching up to take his face in her hands and pressed her lips up to his. He was startled by her actions, stunned into immobility for a few moments before he began to reciprocate. His hands pulled her as close as humanly possible, nearly crushing her against his chest as he kissed back with a new kind of desperation, with gratitude. When they pulled apart, he leaned his forehead down against hers, catching his breath.

“Do you trust me, Rey?”

Rey let her eyes slowly open, eyesight unfocused from the kiss that just sent her into a tailspin. She was nearly breathless when she found the right words to say. Her mind flitted back to that day in Cannes, the day she became certain that her life would never be the same, for better or worse. 

  
“I just hope that one day - preferably when we’re both blind drunk - we can talk about it.”

Confusion clouded Ben’s face before realization dawned over him, a cautious soft smile cracking his plump lips. He nodded, stepping back from her as he took her hand. He nodded towards the warm apartment calling their names. 

“Do you trust me, Rey?”

She squeezed his hand, trying to reassure him. 

“I shouldn’t but, I do. I do, Ben.”

* * *

They sat on the floor across from each other, a half-empty bottle of wine and two very full glasses perched on top of the worn wood coffee table in between them. They’d sat in silence drinking for nearly an hour now, neither of them sure where to start. Ben watched Rey with reverence, waiting for her to speak as Rey sat there in confusion, trying to figure out how this was going to be possible. 

The beginning seemed like the most logical place to start. 

“How much do you know about me?” 

“Rey Kanata. Dropped off at a South London fire station as a child as a surrender named Rey Doe according to the official records. Bounced around foster homes until you were nearly 15, you stayed with Maz Kanata until she died of cancer right before you turned 18 but she pushed through the paperwork to legally adopt you the week before she passed. She left you everything she had which wasn’t much, just an auto shop with an attached apartment, but it was something.” 

Rey nodded, taking a deep gulp of wine to stave off the dark memories that began to creep in from the edge of her mind. 

“You kept the auto shop running on your own for two years before seemingly vanishing into thin air, around three years ago, right around when you started to pop-up in Resistance files.” 

“How does First Order Solutions have the ability to access those?”

It was his turn to take a long sip before answering. 

“They don’t, I do.” 

  
Rey narrowed her eyes at him. 

“Benjamin O. Solo. Born in Indiana, the brilliant and only son of Senator Leia Organa and Han Solo. Ph.D. candidate at Harvard with _Poe Dameron_ until _you_ seemingly vanished into thin air, around three years ago, a year before First Order Solutions announced some shadowy figure named Kylo Ren as their new CCO. The first deal you brokered was pushing the House to lift ‘restrictive’ employment and labor regulations and allow FSO to utilize domestic prison labor. A month later you did the same thing internationally in Parliament with the help of Lord Palpatine.”

He visibly tensed before dragging his eyes up to meet her scrutinizing gaze.

“I wasn’t born in Indiana. I was born in California, where my dad was from. We moved to Indiana when I was three.”

“Any other corrections?”

“How much does the Resistance know about me?”

“Only what I told them. After all, what did you think my mission was?”

“What did you tell them?”

“What do you think I told them?”

“I don’t think you said a word.”

“Don’t you want to know how much I know about you?”

“You know everything you need to, I can see it in your eyes. You know me.”

They reached a stalemate, both pausing to polish off their glasses before refilling them. His eyes were set on hers while Rey’s were glued to their discarded watches laid side by side on the table. They stayed there as she spoke again. 

“How much does FSO know about me? How much do they know about my team?”

“They know nothing about you. Poe is the only other person there who knows you exist, Connix is the only other person on your team that we both know of.”

“Where is Poe?”

“Seville.”

“Why is he-”

Ben’s brows quirked up, cutting Rey off mid-question as he waited for her to figure out the answer herself.

_Because Connix is in Seville, idiot._

“Where does Poe come into all of this? Is he the one who recruited you to FSO?”

Ben shook his head, leaning back against the couch.

“No, quite the opposite. He finished his dissertation and got his Ph.D. and I came to him a year later with the opportunity. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for the power FSO promised me by myself, so I brought Poe in as my ‘guy’ to watch my back. He’s always looked for a way out for me, for us, at every turn.”

Rey nodded, processing the information little by little before her brain flitted back something he’d said a few minutes earlier. 

“You said Connix is the only other person on my team that _we both know of_. Who else do _you_ know?”

“Amilyn Holdo.”

“How?”

When Ben hesitated, Rey’s brows furrowed, eyes still cast downward. 

“Ben, how?”

“She was a friend of my mom’s, okay? Three months before we met I had been looking into her and Poe went offline and did some recon for me. You were photographed meeting for lunch with her one day, that’s how I knew who you were. I stared at those photos for so long that I would have recognized you anywhere. That’s where I got your name, but it wasn’t until I saw you at the gala that I was able to put two and two together.”

Her mind was racing as she tried to put the pieces together. _Ben’s_ mom, Senator Leia Organa, was friends with Amilyn Holdo. Holdo probably _knew_ Ben, before Kylo Ren was even a speck on the horizon. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table as she buried her face in her hands, tempted to scream into her flesh. 

“What the _fuck_ are we doing here, Ben?” She looked up, rubbing her tired eyes, lids now heavy from the wine buzz creeping up on her. “You said it yourself, this is going to go on long after we’re gone so how in the world are we supposed to get away from all of it?”   
  


Ben cautiously slid his hands across the table, the size of them dwarfing Rey’s hands as he laced their fingers together. 

“We just walk away. Go home, pack all your shit up, let’s just go somewhere and start something new, Rey. We can fuck off to America or Canada or Australia, I don’t care if you’re with me. Come with me and we can start over and be no one’s.”

Rey tightly squeezed his hands, tears again pricking her eyes and threatening to spill down her cheeks as his words washed over her. 

_I want it, more than anything in the world. I want you, I need you._

“Ben, I want that more than anything,” she brought their joined hands to her lips and pressed a soft kiss to his knuckles before looking up at him, “But how are we supposed to just walk away? There’s no universe where this can all be so easy.”

“I know it’s going to be hard, trust me, I know better than anyone,” he paused, lips parted as he began to come to terms with what he was saying, “All I wanted was power. All I wanted was power and control and now that I have what I thought was _everything_ I can see that it all means nothing. All of it means nothing but it doesn’t have to be for nothing if you come with me, please. Be with me.” 

_It can’t be this easy._

Fighting against every instinct she had, every voice in her head screaming at her that it wouldn’t be too late to run out of here right now and call Holdo and tell her everything, every urge she had to _destroy_ this, she spoke. 

“Okay.”

_He’ll betray you._

“I’ll come with you, Ben.”

_He’ll be the death of you._

“You’re all I need.”

_He’ll leave you, just like everyone else._

“I trust you.”

Something akin to relief rushed over Ben, his features going slack in what looked like disbelief before his expression shifted to something else. His eyes lit up as he gripped Rey’s hands in his own like a vice, a rush of air escaping his lips as if for a few moments there, he’d forgotten to breathe. He brought his lips down now, mirroring Rey’s earlier movements as he dusted feather-light kisses across her knuckles. 

“Thank you, Rey.”

_I love him._

* * *

She heard the shower start up as she finished wiping down the kitchen counter, the weight of everything they’d just spoken about sinking in. 

They seemed to have it all figured out. They’d been going back and forth the whole night and Rey was feeling keyed up despite the late hour. They were going to leave everything behind, together. 

She was planning to leave Amsterdam within the next few days after extracting Agent Pava. She would head back to London after formally leaving the Resistance and tying up some loose ends, Ben would meet her there after _dealing with things_. She knew the less she knew right now, the better. He’d tell her when it was all over. 

As she finished cleaning up, a warm buzz from the copious amounts of wine they’d shared began to cloud over her. Her brain was so fried, she didn’t have the energy to overthink right now. She headed towards her closet after throwing back the rest of her wine, beginning to strip off her clothes before she even got there. Once she was down to nothing but _her_ Bowie shirt, she flopped onto the bed and let her eyes fall shut, tempted to fall asleep on top of the covers without another word to Ben. 

Her mind began to drift, soothed by the rhythmic sound of the rainfall shower in the next room. She listened closely, able to tell when Ben had finally gotten into the shower when the sound began to soften. The wine buzz caused her mind to wander.

_Ben. My Ben in the shower. My Ben naked in the shower._

Her eyes slowly opened, a grin spreading across her face as the mental image unfolded in her head. Ben, soaking wet, long dark hair pushed back so she could tease him about his ridiculously endearing ears. Ben with rivulets of water rolling down his muscled torso to the delicious v-cut that lead her to one of her favorite things about him. 

_God, and that cute little butt..._

Rey sat up, now fully awake after letting her dirty imagination get the best of her. She slid out of bed, quietly sneaking towards the bathroom and pressing her ear to the door.

“My beloved monster and me, we go everywhere together…”

The smirk on Rey’s face morphed into a small smile, her eyes softening as she listened to Ben’s baritone voice crooning through the wall. She slowly turned the doorknob, carefully opening the door just enough to slip into the steamy room. She could make out the shape of his back turned to her through the fogged-up shower glass, she tiptoed towards him as she slipped out of her baggy t-shirt. She ruffled her hair, taking a deep breath before opening the shower door. 

He’d heard her come in, she knew he had, but he continued to sing as Rey stepped into the large shower behind him.

“She will always be the only thing, that comes between me and the awful sting-”

He stopped when Rey slid her hand hands over the dimples in his lower back before wrapping them around his waist, plastering herself against his back with a content sigh. 

“Don’t stop singing on my account.”

He brought one of her hands from his chest to his lips, kissing the top of her knuckles.

“Hello to you too, angel, was just about to come to bed,” he muttered against her skin, voice addled with sleep. 

He turned her around slowly, leaning down and pushing a hand through her now wet hair before kissing her softly. She smiled against his lips before deepening the kiss, bringing her hands to rest against his chest. When she pulled back she nuzzled at his sternum, his hands coming up to rest on her waist. 

“Didn’t feel like waiting for you,” she murmured against his chest, kissing along his collarbone before looking back up at him, “Think I’ve done enough of that.”

She could feel his member twitch against her stomach as she began to rake her nails lightly down his chest. When she reached _that_ delicious v-cut she couldn’t stop thinking about she laid one hand against the toned flesh of his lower stomach, her other hand wrapping around the base of his hardening member. She began to pump slowly, movements aided by the water still cascading over them as she relished the feeling of him hardening in her hand. 

“God, fuck-” there was a dull thud as Ben leaned his head back against the tile, Rey’s hand beginning to speed up.

“Not God, just Rey,” a tipsy giggle fell from Rey’s lips as she looked up at him through water clumped lashes, a mischievous smile on her face. 

“Not just Rey, you’re a menace,” Ben’s eyes lit up with a smile and deep laugh as he looked down at her wrist-twisting and flicking him expertly with each stroke. His hands began to drift from her waist, reaching behind her and to palm at her ass, large hands fully covering the curve of her backside. 

“Can you blame me?” Rey cocked her head to the side, teasingly slowing her hand down, “I started thinking about that thing you did with your tongue in that steam room in Berlin and-”

Ben cut her off with a growl, grabbing to stop her hand before hauling Rey up and pressing her against the slick tile wall before she could realize what was happening. Her smile was nearly diabolical as she wrapped her arms around his neck, Ben easily supporting her against the wall as if she was weightless. His lips crashed into hers, tongue quickly seeking hers out as Rey ignored the dull aching thud of her head against the tile. His right hand moved from her thigh as he reached in between them, wrapping a hand around his base and rubbing the tip of his length through the slick heat of her folds before pressing inside of her. Ben broke their kiss, glancing down between them to watch as he fully sheathed himself inside of her with a deep groan. 

“Could die a happy man right now,” he murmured, eyes fixated on where he was currently buried in her tight heat, “you’ve got fucking _heaven_ between your legs.”

She _purred_ at that, wrapping her arms around his neck as he continued to whisper praise against her flushed skin. Growing impatient, she pushed her hips back against him, grinding as she sought more friction. His hips stuttered as he looked back up at her, dark chocolate brown eyes hooded with desire and a cocky grin to match. He leaned down, slotting his lips over hers as he began a torturously slow pace that she _knew_ was a punishment for her impatience. 

“Ben, please,” her plea was near silent as she whispered against his lips. Ben pulled back, trailing kisses along her jaw before sinking his teeth into the juncture of her neck and shoulder. His tongue darted out to soothe the tender area before he spoke into her skin. 

“You know I’ll give you what you need.”

He began to thrust after bringing his hand back to her thigh, grip near bruising. Rey tightened her legs around his waist, Ben’s rough thrusts leaving her short of breath. The sharp sound of slapping skin was drowned out by the roaring hot water as Rey scrambled for purchase. She tangled one hand in his hair, the other raking harsh red lines into the pale skin of his shoulder as he continued his onslaught. Rey tugged at the soft wet hair at the nape of his neck, tilting his head back so she could take her turn leaving lovebites along the column of his throat. She ducked her head down, nipping and sucking at the tender skin as she whispered possessive musings against the heated flesh. 

“M’close,” her hand slid between their bodies from his back, Rey beginning to circle her clit with two fingers, “You make me feel so good, so, fuck, so fucking good.”

Keeping her pressed against the wall with a vice tight grip on the thigh wound around his waist, Ben wrapped his long digits around the lovebite bruised column of Rey’s throat, pressing her back against the tile wall. His eyes sought permission from hers and she nodded quickly, willing to give him anything and everything he could ask for. 

“Who, angel? Who makes you feel so good?”

His hips continued to snap as he experimentally flexed the hand wrapped around her throat, testing the waters as he gently applied pressure. Rey couldn’t stop her eyes from beginning to roll black from the overwhelming pleasure. Her skin felt on fire as she began to feel _drunk_ on him, hand flying from her clit back to his shoulder as she clung on for dear life. 

“Answer me, angel,” his grip on her windpipe tightened before loosening, allowing Rey the opportunity to answer between choked breaths.

“You, Ben. Only you,” she purred when she was rewarded with a tightened grip. It never took her long when they did this. 

“Why does it feel so good, Rey? Who owns this cunt?”

She could feel her eyes go glassy as her brain began to feel fuzzy, lack of oxygen easing Rey into a dream-like state as she nodded lazily, her head feeling like a hundred pounds. She didn’t recognize her voice when she whimpered her response.

“You, only you, _Ben,_ ” his name came out like a plea. 

_He’ll take such good care of you._

His hand slowly let up on her throat, snaking between the two of them to find the sensitive bud of her clit as he slammed up into her, lips hungrily seeking hers out. 

“Show me,” he growled against her lips.

She complied. 

As she caught her breath every nerve-ending lit on fire as her orgasm thrummed through her. She clenched around him as her eyes screwed up in pleasure, his hard gaze was too much for her and she needed to escape. She felt her hips instinctively grinding back against him, chasing the feeling that was making her toes curl and vision blur. Ben’s release followed shortly after, spurred on by the tight, clenching heat enveloping his cock and the sight of _his Rey_ falling apart in front of him. She was all parting pink lips and perfect rose-tipped tits and she was _his_.

His possessive streak quickly flared as he smirked when his release dripped out of her after he slowly pulled out. He gave her time to come down before he carefully unwrapped her from his hips, gently setting her down on her own two feet with steadying hands on her shoulders. She slumped against him, still a bit shaky and fuzzy as she recovered from how much that orgasm had pulled from her. 

_He always takes such good care of you when you’re like this._

Her head was still feeling floaty as Ben carefully turned her around, stepping back from her enough to gently begin to shampoo her hair for her. She let the heavy weight of her head fall back, eyes slowly shutting as she became pliant under his hands. He maneuvered her with reverence, nudging her body softly when he needed to adjust her position to allow him to rinse her hair and slowly drag soapy suds over her body. He couldn’t stop himself from taking extra time to lather her tits, large hands dwarfing them as he teasingly rolled her stiff peaks between his fingers. She gasped and instinctively clamped her legs shut in response, he could see her eyes were still glassy. 

She went weak in the knees when his hand snaked between her legs from behind her, gently caressing her very tender sex. It sent a sharp aftershock of pleasure through her whole body and she collapsed against him, luckily his stupid, strong arms were quick enough to catch her and move her over to sit on the bench of the shower. She curled her knees up on the bench and watched him as he quickly carried on with his shower routine, rinsing his ridiculous luxury hair mask that made him smell like a sexy lumberjack out before lathering up his own body. He decided to forgo shaving in the shower today, she liked to think it was because he knew what _she_ preferred on him. 

Rey shivered when he shut the shower off after finishing up, suddenly feeling exposed on the rapidly cooling tile bench. He moved quickly, reaching just outside of the fogged up glass door to grab a fluffy, heated towel to wrap around her shoulders. He quickly secured one around his waist before he guided her out of the shower, steering her towards the warm comfort of her bed that was calling her name. She flopped away from him down onto the bed still wrapped in her towel as he chuckled, watching her wriggle to get under the plush comforter as quickly as possible.

“Sit tight.” 

As she settled into the plush bed she watched him move around the apartment, tidying up the apartment. He shut off the lights and Rey could only make out his figure when he stepped into the pale moonlight streaking through the bedroom window, the soft light illuminating the harsh, broad lines of his body. She slipped out of her towel underneath the covers, tossing it aside and sitting up in bed to comb her fingers through her damp hair. She smiled softly as his large frame lumbered back over to her, plugging his phone in and tossing it on the bedside table before dropping his towel and slipping under the covers beside her. 

She curled up against his bare chest as he leaned back, his hand instinctively finding the curve of her lower back to pull her in closer. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, tilting her chin up so he could see her properly when he began to whisper.

“You feeling alright?” 

She nodded in response, moving to hide her face against the smooth plane of his chest. His hand stopped her, thumb brushing her cheekbone as he held her face in place. 

“I’m being serious, Rey,” she once again nodded in response, leaning up and pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of his lips.

“Never better,” she murmured before rolling away from him, pressing her back up against him as she got comfortable.

He followed her movements, adjusting accordingly as he curled up and around her, frame dwarfing her own. He rested his chin on the crown of her head, hands finding hers over the top of the bedding as they twined their fingers together. Rey smiled to herself in the dark, anxiously pushing down the nervous energy that bubbled up in her stomach as she thought about what the future held for them.

_He’s your home now._

“Ben, are you ready? For everything?”

His deep sigh felt hot against her shoulder. 

“I know what I need to do but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.”

She rolled over, pressing both her hands to her chest as she looked up at him. 

“You do, you do now. If not,” she grinned up at him with her megawatt smile he once told her could light up an arena, “I can loan you some of mine.”

“Yeah, that sounds alright,” he smiled down at her, chasing the smile off her face with a kiss before they resumed their sleeping positions. Rey sighed deeply, exhaustion from the wine and emotionally draining discussions finally creeping over her as her eyes fell shut. She took a deep breath, trying to commit everything about the way _he_ smelled to memory as she easily surrendered to sleep.

Hours later as the early morning light began to creep in through her windows, she felt him begin to stir and quietly slip out of bed. She didn’t open her eyes fully, allowing him to pack up his things in silence to try and make it easier for both of them. Neither of them were very good with goodbyes. She smiled to herself when he cursed under his breath after nearly dropping his coffee on the ground after bumping into the corner of the dresser. She watched him pause at the kitchen counter from her bedroom alcove, she could see his hand working quickly to jot something down before he brought the scrap of paper to his lips and kissed it softly, setting it down on the counter where she wouldn’t miss it. 

Rey moved quietly as she sat up in bed, reaching over and checking her phone as Ben made his way towards the front door. The first notification she had was an encrypted email from Holdo, it was an extraction date for Agent Pava. 

_Extraction in four days. On a plane to meet Ben in five._

She leaned forward in bed, propping herself up on her elbows and stretching her back as she watched his retreating form. He slung his bag over his shoulder as he passed through the foyer, now dressed in his cozy-looking camel coat and favorite black jeans as he stepped into his loafers. Rey whistled, grinning when he stopped in his tracks and looked back over his shoulder, reading glasses perched on his nose. She piqued her eyebrows, smiling wolfishly.

“Five days. You have five days to get it together, _Solo_.”

His bag slipped off of his shoulder as he turned on his heel to face her fully, toeing off the white loafers he’d just slipped on. Next, he began to shrug off his coat as he took broad strides to close the distance between them. His coat hit the floor just before he bounded onto the bed, taking Rey down with him as he tumbled to the mattress. He supported himself on his forearms, caging her in as she slid her hands under the soft fabric of his t-shirt, raking her nails down his back. He smiled down at her, flashing her slightly crooked teeth before raising his eyebrows.   
  


“Five days. I can do five days.”

His lips crashed down over hers and she knew she’d just extended his stay in Amsterdam at least a few hours. They were never good at goodbyes. 

* * *

Rey whispered a courteous thank you to her taxi driver as he unloaded her suitcase curbside at Schipol Airport. She headed inside towards the check-in counter, dressed comfortably in a soft knit jogger set under an oversized leather jacket. She woke up with goosebumps this morning, the reality of what was about to happen seeming to finally dawn on her. She was heading back to London after successfully extracting Agent Pava and was set to meet with Holdo first thing in the morning back at their home office. She would do everything she could to wipe any trace of information about her and Ben from the Resistance’s file share server, and he was supposed to do the same over on his side of the aisle. She knew Holdo would respect her decision and let her go, as long as she kept everything as vague as possible. 

Things with Ben still really felt like they were on a need to know basis. 

She was doing it, she was walking away from the Resistance. 

_It’s the only way to let the past die and move forward._

She smiled politely at the check-in counter attendant, handing over her suitcase before heading towards security. She passed through quickly, making her way into the buzzing terminal and pausing before the large departures monitor to figure out her gate. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, absent-mindedly thumbing through her notifications as she began making her way towards the departure gate for her flight back to London. She easily navigated through the throngs of tourists and families coming and going, her mind anywhere but here as her thoughts drifted back to the note she’d found after he’d eventually left a few days earlier. 

**Rey,**

**Thank you for being my strength.**

**Yours,**

**Ben**

_Just a few more days and then it’ll finally be the beginning of forever._

Rey was lost in her thoughts when she bumped into the back of the halted man in front of her. She looked up from the ground, ready to complain and snap at the slow-moving tourist to get moving, but then realized he wasn’t alone. The entire terminal had seemingly come to a standstill. She followed the gaze of almost every traveler up to the television monitors that lined the long terminal, flaming-red breaking news banner flashing along the bottom of the nightly news broadcast. 

The reporters were speaking Dutch but Rey could pick up bits and pieces, or so she thought. She was sure her Dutch must be rustier than she’d thought, because what the two fair anchors were currently reporting made zero sense. It felt like the blood rolling through her veins went cold as the English language closed captioning caught up with their quick speech, the red banner along the bottom flashing to reveal the official headline of the story. 

**_Kylo Ren named CEO of First Order Solutions_ **

The words hung alone on the screen for a few moments before they were followed by a brief addition: appointment comes after the mysterious death of predecessor and founder, Percival Snoke. 

_This can’t be real. This has to be a sick joke. There’s been some kind of translation error._

Rey stood frozen in the terminal, mentally willing the flashing banner to change and write the whole thing off as a bad nightmare, some anxiety-fueled figment of her imagination. The words stayed on the screen, images of Snoke popping up in the background accompanied by the few, blurry images they had of Ben, his face unidentifiable in the grainy proofs. 

_He’s not Kylo Ren. That’s Ben, my Ben._

Nausea began to creep up her throat as her palms went clammy. She had hoped she was wrong, she had willed herself to be wrong for over a year now and finding out that she had been right all along _destroyed_ her. Ben had done it, he’d finally confirmed her worst fears. 

_Kylo Ren can never die._

Her phone felt like it was doing to slip out of her sweaty palm when it began to buzz. She blinked away the tears that were welling up in her eyes as she glanced at the illuminated touchscreen to see a blocked number calling her. She knew who it was. 

She pressed accept as quickly as she could, scrambling to bring her phone to her ear. She was met with deep, labored breathing. She knew he’d just been crying. 

“Ben,” she managed to choke out, tears now spilling down her hot cheeks, “Don’t do this, Ben.”

“Rey-,” resignation tinged his voice, she cut him off before she could hear anything else. 

“Please don’t go this way…”

“I-”

She ended the call before he could finish his sentence. His mind was made up, she knew it. Nothing she could say to him right now would change his mind, and this was the one path she could never follow him down. Her feet started walking to the bathroom before her brain could catch up with them, her body fueled purely by instinct. She stepped into the large, unoccupied handicap stall and locked the door behind her before she quickly unclasped the heavy, silver weight of her watch, _their watch_ , and let it fall from her wrist to the tile floor with a loud clatter. Her heel came down hard and swift onto the reflective face of the watch, shattering it against the hard, cold floor repeatedly until it was hardly identifiable. 

When she was done she took a few steps back until she was pressed against the hard tile wall of the stall, sinking and cradling her face in her hands as she began to weep. She wasn’t sure how long she stayed there, embarrassedly crouched on the floor of the airport bathroom. She barely managed to realize the final boarding call blaring over the speaker system was for her flight back to London. 

She took a deep breath, struggling to collect herself emotionally and physically before stepping out of the stall. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy from crying as she pressed a cool, damp paper towel to her flushed cheeks, blowing her nose before steeling herself to face the rest of the world again. This time, she’d be doing it alone. 

Rey slid back into the crowd, hurriedly making her way to her departure gate where she was rushed onto the plane and met by the judging eyes of her fellow passengers. Settling into her first-class pod she politely shooed the flight attendants away when they made their rounds, offering complimentary prosecco. Instead, she turned to slide open the white shade panel of the window, sighing when she was met with the fiery, red landscape of the sun setting over the Atlantic ocean. 

She couldn’t stop the tears that started again as soon as she closed her eyes, the brilliant glare of the sun off the water too much for her sensitive eyes. She slid the window panel shut, curling up in the privacy of her luxury pod and leaning back as her shoulders shook. She was so close to having everything, to having him, she was so close she could taste it. 

_You were a fool to ever trust him. You should’ve killed him when you had the chance._

She shook her head, disagreeing with herself quickly. She didn’t need to kill him, he was already dead. What she needed to do now was mourn, she needed to mourn him. 

_Ben Solo is dead._   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> outfit inspo for these two idiots: 
> 
> https://urstyle.fashion/styles/2417184  
> https://urstyle.fashion/styles/2417191
> 
> i know that ending is melodramatic as fuck but please hang in there with me babies! it had to get angstyish at some point!
> 
> let me know your thoughts and ideas please and hit me up over on tumblr!
> 
> https://chaoticreylo.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> again, this is my first time publishing anything so please let me know your thoughts! i've kinda already worked on taking this one-shot and turning it into a ficlet, so if someone for some crazy reason is interested in helping me beta that, that'd be astounding. 
> 
> recently have gotten back on my tumblr bullshit so link with me here or there!
> 
> chaoticreylo.tumblr.com
> 
> all characters/ideas/settings/themes are property of lucasfilm and disney, etc. etc.


End file.
